Thursday, June 28, 2012

Day 8- Special and Unique


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am in a special/unique position in my life as I am "better" than someone else within the a similar/same situation because my circumstances and/or environment is set in a favorable position.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that by thinking that I am in a special/unique position in comparison to another I am separating myself from the whole of existence into a point of a (positive-negative) polarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that by separating myself from the whole of existence into a point of positive polarity I am allowing someone out there to be into the point of negative polarity-because for positive to exists-negative must exist=creating a winner and a loser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am in a special/unique position because I had  done something to make it be this way-in terms suggesting that anyone can do that-however when looking into the current reality if it was the case of "I had done something to make it be this way"- everyone would be able to do the same-and within this statement it would imply that everyone would exist within the positive/favorable situation which is impossible if living the within the polarity game because for positive to exists-negative must exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that I am part of the whole existence )(life in the physical) that is equal and one within the principle of life and that separating myself from that which is here (the physical) is going in my head creating myself to be better, special and unique-saying "Well that 'bad thing' can't happen to me!" because I am protected by some invisible force/way, or I am a "good" person and I don't deserve this "bad thing" to happen to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to NOT realize that thinking I am special and unique is an Egoistic self reflection that I have created to make myself feel better about my life in contrast to other's lives.

I commit myself to no longer see and think of myself being in a favorable position, rather realize that I have placed myself within certain situation/environment that is for support of walking my process of self change and everything that is occurring in my life directly reflects me as me waking out of the illusion mind and into the physical reality-life here.

I commit myself to take my situations in life and investigate/walk them within my process as a point of assistance-a way of communicating with myself self to see what I am showing myself  what I HAVE accepted and allowed myself to become as part of my mind and what I accept and allow myself to be/become within the context of what is best for all-here-now in current time.



Sunday, June 24, 2012

Day 7-Back Chat: Irritation



When I am irritated with someone, I run all kinds of back chat in my mind. It varies- anything from what I want to tell this person, how I would phrase it, what this person did wrong to upset me and as the thoughts keep running there is no action taken to direct myself to how to handle the situation in common sense with discussion, but rather I charge myself with angry feelings and possible outcomes of my back chat.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a multi-conversation (back chat) in my head when I get irritated with a person-thus it is as if I am talking behind the person's back without addressing anything of substance to direct the situation I am irritated about.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to listen to the multi-conversation (back chat) coming from different inner personalities that "tell" me what I should say in a nice/bad/mad/sad way instead of facing the person face to face and discussing the situation that upsets me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to charge myself with anger to the point where my head starts to hurt and I upset myself so much I become angry at everyone else-not considering that everyone else had nothing to do with why I am upset and disregarding to self check and investigate at the core reason I am upset on the first place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place the blame for my irritation on the other person without even telling them that I am upset at them-hiding it within me and suppressing the emotion rather than explore it to the core and address it face to face within a discussion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to NOT realize that back chat is a emotional reaction that avoids having to face the person face to face in within this creating an alternate mind reality of how I want the situation to turn out.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to NOT, when becoming irritated, to simply breathe, NOT allow myself to get irritated and within that being able to address the situation in a common sense manner with clarity, NO emotional charge to take control over me and cause me to react within myself creating the back chat.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to exist in back chat conversations but rather address the situation accordingly.

I commit myself to when an irritation towards arises within me to first investigate why I got irritated (in self reflection) and then direct myself to addressing it face to face without emotionally reacting within me or the other person.

I commit myself to breathing as a self assistance and self correction if I happen to enter the stage of irritation.










Thursday, June 21, 2012

Day 6-Body Image: Satellite Ears






                                                         Me at 6 months with my mom


Here I continue the series of Body Image:
Day 2-Body Image: Lesbian or NOT?
Day 3-Body Image: Breast/Boobs
Day 5-Body Image: Legs

I have away been self conscious about my big ears. When I was younger I refused to wear my hair up because if I put it into a pony tail it would reveal my big ears to the world. I do wear my hair up now, but occasionally I remind myself of the big ears-usually when I want to wear a hat or a bandanna where my ears are shown more.
It's interesting that Victor has my ears :)

I forgive myself to have allowed and accepted myself to judge my ears in comparison to other people's ears that looked "normal"/ "better" to me in my head.

I forgive myself to have allowed and accepted myself to hide my ears with my hair/hats/bandannas so that no one else judges my ears.


I forgive myself to have allowed and accepted myself to limit how I wear my hair because of thinking that my ears are ugly and they would be judged by others.

I forgive myself to have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed and embarrassed about my ears.

I forgive myself to have allowed and accepted myself to NOT realize that my ears are part of body's physical expression and are functioning-for I can hear just fine.

I commit myself to no longer judge my the appearance of my ears based on what I THINK "perfect" ears should look like or what I have seen the majority of people in my life ears look like- which I had defined as being better or "perfect".

I commit myself to accept my ears as what they are- part of my whole body with the fiction of hearing sounds.

I commit myself to accept my ears as what they are- part of my whole body with the fiction of hearing sounds.




Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Day 5-Body Image: Legs



Here I continue the series of Body Image:
Day 2-Body Image: Lesbian or NOT?
Day 3-Body Image: Breast/Boobs

Some time ago I used to judge my legs for not being "good" looking because they appear to be skinny on my calf area and if I place my legs together the knees don't touch which gives me sort of an arch form. I have a friend back from grammar school who took swimming lessons and to me her legs appeared "perfect" as in when her legs are placed together-heels touched, calf touched, knees touched and tights touched.
In my teenage years I accepted and allowed to grow very subconscious of my legs which is why I always wore long pants. I was hiding my "imperfect" legs.
It was only later that I realized my legs were this way because of my open hip bone structure. Then I attached a form of specialty (positive) to my legs as in I was able to stretch better and do certain yoga poses better than others because my natural body allowed it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my legs based on an image I had created in my head to be "perfect" shape legs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit the clothes I wear because of feeling subconscious about my "imperfect" legs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my legs to another human being and within this image define my legs as being "imperfect" and within that statement judging other people's legs for being "more than" mine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my legs behind clothing and when wearing a swim suit or attire that required me to show my legs to walk around with constant "shame"/"embarrassment" and to think about how other people judged my "imperfect" legs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go to the positive side where I viewed my legs as special or better than others because I am able to stretch "better" than people whose physic does not allow them to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am better at yoga because of my bone structure which allows me to have more open hips and within that statement judging other people's legs for being "less than" mine.

I commit myself to no longer judging my legs or other people's legs based on appearance and attach definitions such as "perfect" and "imperfect" legs.

I commit myself appreciating all legs equally from the perspective that legs are part of our whole body that allows us to move within our physical reality.

I commit myself to exercise (with yoga, or different physical movements) my legs as part of supporting my physical body.

I commit myself to exploring different styles clothing without judging my legs.




Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Day 4-Redefining Words: Marriage

Today James and I went to get a Marriage Licence at the court house. We scheduled a date with the judge to get married on July 20th 2012.

Here I will address judgments I have within me towards the word "marriage". Before coming across Desteni and beginning my process I wanted a wedding that was by a beach, with a pretty white dress, flowers, spring time, and a big afterwards party where I can dance the night away! I wanted the engagement ring and the wedding ring and I was pretty much into the whole idea of getting married which I had defined as a big deal in someone's life. Another words, I had created a definition of "marriage" as a positive experience within my mind. After coming across Desteni and learning the deception behind "marriage" within our society, learning that the whole "love" deal was not in fact real, but a created emotional/energetic design...I quickly redefined the word "marriage" within my head towards the opposite side of the polarity game= marriage was a negative, fake experience where people married to each other living a lie, fake energy love and later end up cheating, or getting a divorce, marriage was a binding down to a person and losing oneself in compromises to make it work. During that time my parents ended up getting a divorce which only reinforced my negative definition of a "marriage".
Since then I have realized that I only participated in the polarity definition within an idea/word that I had attached a reaction/feeling to that existed in my mind and it is not real in either side of the polarity.
True! The "marriage" in our society is in fact not real, from the perceptive of what we have been fed from very little about "mommy and daddy" loving each other and marriage being a HUGE deal that meant that "mommy and daddy" love each other. In reality many marriages end up in divorce because people do suppress each other with compromises and suffocation that build up throughout the years. BUT marriage does not have to be this definition. Marriage is how one makes it. And in fact marriage is simply uniting two beings LEGALLY. It has nothing to do with various definitions of fake love. It has to do with handling documents and legally uniting the names of two people. Other than that "marriage" does not define how two beings work and are with each other, and how they move throughout life together.






I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have participated in the positive experience of "marriage" in the sense that two people are now to be forever because of spoken promises/vows that somehow symbolically bounds them together for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an image/picture representation in my mind as to how I desire MY marriage/wedding to be based on images/pictures I have seen from others/media/magazines.

I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to see/define marriage as an idea where two people "truly" love each other and thus proving their "love through the symbolism of marriage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy the lie presented from our society on marriage without realizing that marriage has been used throughout times to abuse women by men (as they own women as a legal object and can do whatever with this "object") and as means to pass their genes down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to buy the lie presented from our society on marriage without realizing that marriage has been abused by women towards men in order to gain financial access because in our society women have been/were denied to be independed financially, thus women would stay in a abusive marriage in order to survive the physical reality they have been given since birth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when presented to the lies of "marriage" within our society by Desteni to have jumped towards the opposite polarity and create a negative experiences/definition towards the word "marriage".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that Desteni simply presented the reality as to how "marriage" has been accepted and allowed to exists (in the form of exposing the lies) and that it was presented from the perspective of self realization without reactions/feelings/thoughts, yet I attached a negative reaction/feeling/thoughts towards the word "marriage" within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to based on the above statement to avoid marriage at any cost because of my negative attachment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that marriage is simply a legal document that unites two people on a legal level thus how I make my agreement/relationship with my partner has got nothing to do with the status of being married (wife and husband).

I commit myself to redefining the word marriage with common sense to a word that simply means legally united without any forms of mind participation (reaction/positive-negative feelings/ideas/experiences).

I commit myself to no longer fear getting married because of a negative definition towards the word marriage.

I commit myself to getting married to my partner as a form of uniting legally together, unite our finances and use them with common sense with open discussion, no secrets, to share our finances according to our physical needs and that which we find enjoying to explore physically in this world (within the means/principle of what is best for all, is best for us).

I commit myself to work/enjoy my agreement/relationship with my partner regardless of a status "married".



Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 3-Body Image: Breast/Boobs



Here I continue my blog from yesterday ("Day 2-Body Image: Lesbian or NOT?"). Today I go into detail about breast/boobs comparison to myself and other women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my breast/boobs as smaller or bigger than others and within that judgement implying that small is "not good" and big is "good/better/sexier".

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my breast/boobs according to an image representation that I have seen in movies, music videos, magazines.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fall for the words of others-men when they have addressed breast/boobs on other women or on me as being small/big and within that judgement to have built a self unsecured image when it came to my breast/boobs as either not being good enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to observe other women's breast/boobs and within this observation to place self judgement on me and place judgement on other women by comparing my breast/boobs to theirs and secretly saying "they are as big as mine=makes me feel normal/ they are bigger than mine=makes me feel not sexy/ they are smaller than mine=makes me feel sexier.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have placed value within bigger breast /boobs than mine and to make myself feel better-thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to react within myself by judging women with bigger breast/boobs and saying that "bigger breast make your back hurt/ bigger breast will sag more later/ bigger breast are simply "bad" because it attracts guy's attention in a sexual way which objectifies women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want bigger breast/boobs as a form of attraction to the opposite sex because I am aware that men are programmed to see bigger breast/boobs as sexier and within that stance validating their programming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be objectified by men within my secret mind, while professing how wrong it is to objectify women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participating in objectifying women by judging them on their body parts-thus I become the objectifier and the objected at the same time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of the female/male programming towards breast/boobs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to NOT enjoy my breast/boobs for how they are, for NOT realizing that I have separated my breast/boobs within my mind as a self judgement based on an image/picture representation with attach definition of BIG breast="sexy" and sexy is desirable.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that breast have to be proportional to my body because of images I have seen being promoted in magazines and media.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the problem does not lay in my physical body but in the idea/images I have allowed to exists in my head based on what society and media support and advertise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the idea of bigger breast as a point of arousal during sex, as in at some point during sex when I glance or look at my breast they would appear bigger from a certain angle and this triggers a response in my mind that send the message to arouse me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting for my partner to judge my breast and taking it into myself by feeling as less because my breast may not satisfy his illusion/image/programming on the idea of bigger breast being sexier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fallen a victim of advertising.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to approach breast as a point of measurement and size.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the backchat that my breast are not good enough for my partner thus he may be looking at other girls breast and comparing me to them, not realizing that this is a form of insecurity that I have created towards me utilizing my idea/body self image regarding breast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to compare my breast to other girls by using my definition of what “perfect” body proportional breast are and in that judging not only my breast but other girl's breast within the comparing of worse or better relationship. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become obsessed with looking up methods to grow my breast instead of leaving them be the way they are and be content to have healthy breast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my partner's comments regarding breast, instead of seeing why I am reacting on the first place, not realizing that I am responsible for the reaction that comes up within me regarding my own breast as defined by my idea of body self image.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame my partner for creating this idea of “standard” breast within me, instead of seeing that this idea/image was already existent within my body self image idea and was dormant until he pushed and brought up the point inside of me and awoke it so that I can walk this point. 

I commit myself to no longer view breast/boobs as an object within myself and other women.

I commit myself to no longer judge breast/boobs in size that is defined by movies/music videos/magazines... by the female/male programming.

I commit myself to enjoying my breast/boobs as part of my physical body, to utilize my breast/boobs (as how they are) to sexually express through touch (when having sex or masturbating) as part of my WHOLE physical body.

I commit myself to be comfortable with the size of my breast/boobs, to no longer listen and participate in the words of others addressed towards me or other women about breast/boob size.

I commit myself to no longer compare and judge breast/boob sizes in me and other women.



When I see myself judging my breast, I stop, I breathe and remind myself that my healthy breast are simply part of my body.

When my partner judges my breast as not being big enough, I stop, I breathe, I do not react within myself, I say that I don't appreciate him placing judgments on my breast and objectifying them. 

During sex, when I catch myself using the image of my breast as a point of arousal, I stop, I breathe and remind myself that my breast are not for objectifying, that my breast are part my body's self expression and I will not make them more or less than what they are.

During sex I commit to use my body as a point of expression through touch and physical feeling rather than using one body part (breast) as a point of arousal.

When I see myself judging my breast, I stop, I breathe and realize in that moment that I am creating separation within my mind regarding a self image, instead of viewing my breast as a part of my whole body and just a body part as that is what it is.

I commit myself to speak up about breast size and how it is portrayed by the media so that I can remind myself and bring awareness to others who have been deceived by the media and society made up standard.

I commit myself to seeing breast as what they are-part of the woman physical body that are a beautiful feminine expression, part of the whole woman's physical body and are/were designed mainly for breast feeding a baby (as a body functionality)as well as a point of physical sexual pleasure, NOT to be "displayed" as a sexual object to fulfill /women's/men's secret mind fantasies, to create a sexual competition among women and to create self-confidence/self insecurity among women being judge by each other and men based  on size.

I commit myself to view breast as part my physical body one and equal just like any other physical part of myself and to never again create separation of my body parts within my mind upholding an image/idea relationship. 


Sunday, June 17, 2012

Day 2-Body Image: Lesbian or Not?



When I was younger I began to question my sexuality because I would always look at other girls, and say they are cute (focusing on features like the face and body and clothing). I began to question myself at why I was looking at girls and not guys-thus I figured I may possibly be a lesbian. However, I never experienced an energetically/magnetic draw towards girls-only towards guys. I put those thoughts aside for along time, until yesterday when I was looking at some women at the restaurant. I realized that me looking at women was not because I was lesbian but rather a point of comparison. I never was "drawn" towards girls/women, the way I was towards guys/men. Meaning there was never an energetically starting point towards women.

Now the energetically draw is a mind relationship to begin with but that is how one knows the sex they are drawn towards. To know more about energetically/mind reactions (that which one calls "love") and the "What is Sex?" series.


So lets look at the comparison of my physical body and clothes with other girls. When I compare myself I always experience myself as the "good" looking or the "ugly" looking based on a picture representation of what I should look like. Once I begin comparing (which is a form of judgement towards myself and another),   I either feel good about myself or bad about myself. This is simply playing a polarity game within my mind. Everyone does it because we were programmed to do this from images/pictures we see and from what is sociably acceptable to appear as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my physical body with other women and judge my body appearance to what is considered to be a "sexy" image and what not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my body for being too "skinny" and not being able to fit into the image of certain clothing that require the body to be shaped different= boobs, butt, tights, waist... etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that in reality clothing is meant to be comfortable and serve the purpose of just that "clothing the body", and what I chose to wear is from the starting point of  1. comfort-ability and 2. "stylish" to styles I would like to explore not as a fashion statement but as a form of self expression and what I and my body enjoys without self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go shopping for clothes with the sole purpose for fitting in a certain image to satisfy my mind, and when a clothing did not look "right" to be disappointed with my body shape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that my body is just fine as long it is healthy (supports the life of my physical body).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare the clothing I wear to other women and judge that clothing as good looking or bad looking solely on the purpose of what is "good" looking out there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall for the words of others when they address me as being sexy or not depending on their images/pictures/definitions as to what they see sexy and not sexy is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that "comparing" is a form of competition with/towards others which is unacceptable because it leads to playing the mind polarity game and dos not express that which is best for all.

I commit myself to enjoying the shape of my body (boobs, butt, tights, waist...) as long as it is healthy (supports the life of my physical body).

I commit myself to wearing clothing that is comfortable, and exploring styles (clothing combinations) that I enjoy without judgement to how it fits to my body shape.

I commit myself to no longer feed my mind and other minds (play the polarity game) to judging what is sexy or not depending on image/picture/definition representation.

I commit myself to exposing this image/picture/definitions mind set representation to others when addressed by others.

I commit myself to stop looking at other women as a point of comparison to myself to see whether or not I fit this image/picture/definition representation of sexy (as to what I see as sexy and as to what others see as sexy).

I commit myself to no longer fit an image/picture, but rather enjoy my physical body and enjoy the clothes I wear, simply as a self expression.





Friday, June 15, 2012

Day 1-Resistance to Begin 7 Year Life Journey!



I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept the resistance to starting my 7 Year Life Journey of writing my self forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist taking the first step towards writing my self forgiveness statements consistently (daily).

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist starting because starting means I will have to commit to writing daily, something I have never committed to before.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I will have nothing to write about daily to keep my commitment to writing daily.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to start writing forcefully (which caused resistance within me) instead of breathing and seeing what actually needs to be addressed and written.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create excuses and difficulty within myself to beginning this process of writing daily and addressing my self forgiveness statements to the matters within me that need to be addressed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to keep everything that needs to be addressed in writing and self forgiveness within myself and suppressing it because of my resistance to take the steps towards t 7 year Life Journey process.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see and read other's blogs of 7 Year Life Journey and to think that they're wording of self forgiveness is better than mine and what they are walking is something not relating to me thus I do not need to address those issues within myself, not realizing that that is simply my EGO speaking, making excuses not to start my process and address and face my issues.

I commit myself to writing self forgiveness daily and within that walking my 7 Year Life Journey and address all the issues I experience or have experienced, to bring everything in front of me , face it and self forgive it so that I can be free of the mind programming that holds me down, and so that I can be free of what I have accepted and allowed or NOT accepted and allowed to exists as and become within the physical reality.