Sunday, June 17, 2012
Day 2-Body Image: Lesbian or Not?
When I was younger I began to question my sexuality because I would always look at other girls, and say they are cute (focusing on features like the face and body and clothing). I began to question myself at why I was looking at girls and not guys-thus I figured I may possibly be a lesbian. However, I never experienced an energetically/magnetic draw towards girls-only towards guys. I put those thoughts aside for along time, until yesterday when I was looking at some women at the restaurant. I realized that me looking at women was not because I was lesbian but rather a point of comparison. I never was "drawn" towards girls/women, the way I was towards guys/men. Meaning there was never an energetically starting point towards women.
Now the energetically draw is a mind relationship to begin with but that is how one knows the sex they are drawn towards. To know more about energetically/mind reactions (that which one calls "love") and the "What is Sex?" series.
So lets look at the comparison of my physical body and clothes with other girls. When I compare myself I always experience myself as the "good" looking or the "ugly" looking based on a picture representation of what I should look like. Once I begin comparing (which is a form of judgement towards myself and another), I either feel good about myself or bad about myself. This is simply playing a polarity game within my mind. Everyone does it because we were programmed to do this from images/pictures we see and from what is sociably acceptable to appear as.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my physical body with other women and judge my body appearance to what is considered to be a "sexy" image and what not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my body for being too "skinny" and not being able to fit into the image of certain clothing that require the body to be shaped different= boobs, butt, tights, waist... etc.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that in reality clothing is meant to be comfortable and serve the purpose of just that "clothing the body", and what I chose to wear is from the starting point of 1. comfort-ability and 2. "stylish" to styles I would like to explore not as a fashion statement but as a form of self expression and what I and my body enjoys without self judgement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go shopping for clothes with the sole purpose for fitting in a certain image to satisfy my mind, and when a clothing did not look "right" to be disappointed with my body shape.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that my body is just fine as long it is healthy (supports the life of my physical body).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare the clothing I wear to other women and judge that clothing as good looking or bad looking solely on the purpose of what is "good" looking out there.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall for the words of others when they address me as being sexy or not depending on their images/pictures/definitions as to what they see sexy and not sexy is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that "comparing" is a form of competition with/towards others which is unacceptable because it leads to playing the mind polarity game and dos not express that which is best for all.
I commit myself to enjoying the shape of my body (boobs, butt, tights, waist...) as long as it is healthy (supports the life of my physical body).
I commit myself to wearing clothing that is comfortable, and exploring styles (clothing combinations) that I enjoy without judgement to how it fits to my body shape.
I commit myself to no longer feed my mind and other minds (play the polarity game) to judging what is sexy or not depending on image/picture/definition representation.
I commit myself to exposing this image/picture/definitions mind set representation to others when addressed by others.
I commit myself to stop looking at other women as a point of comparison to myself to see whether or not I fit this image/picture/definition representation of sexy (as to what I see as sexy and as to what others see as sexy).
I commit myself to no longer fit an image/picture, but rather enjoy my physical body and enjoy the clothes I wear, simply as a self expression.