Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 14-Deleting CharACTers: The SuperHero/Healer Personality

One of the things that drove my interest towards witchcraft/paganism/spiritualism was having special powers.  I was about 16-17 in high school and I had just began watching "Charmed" (the show). In the show the witches were good and used their power to fight evil demons. I was intrigued with the power of words and spells. I began buying books about crystals, spells and how to practice witchcraft. It gave me a sense of security that I was able to apparently see through others because I possessed (or was training to possess) this power that made me more/stronger than others. I used it to define/validate myself as a somebody that can protect myself from danger because I had my "superpower" of spells. What intrigued me the most was the power of moving objects with my mind-I felt this was the ultimate superhero power-I can protect others, defend myself and secretly use it to have fun with other people (where they did not know what was going on).
Even though it was most intriguing to me, I always felt I was the "healer"-the power to heal pain-physical and emotional-which came of a disappointment (how am I supposed to protect myself with healing power?) and specialness (i can help others) at the same time. I used my spells for love-for personal gain-attraction. I felt that I had the power within myself it just had to be awakened.
One time I wanted my mom to just leave me alone (I felt she was bugging in m business too much) and I made this "potion" or random kitchen stuff, like spices and shit-I poured it in her drink. It was in my perception that she did leave me alone for a bit-so I thought it worked...LoL ?!?!
The witchcraft later on in my years transformed into my search in the spirituality realm-however it always involved being able to have some type of power, power over others. I was heavily into astral projection the chakras and apparently I knew how to heal someone using the chakra system. By that time I had already accepted myself to be "The healer". I was to become a healer/helping others. And I used this idea to my advantaged when having an attraction (energetical charge) towards someone. It was a trait that made me "different" than other women/girls in the eyes of men/guys.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form and shape myself into the character of a superhero/healer in order to validate myself and  find a "personal" space that I can call my own-this personal space being powers to make me be/feel special/different, self worth, be someone in existence.

I forgive myself for NOT allowing and accepting myself to realize that by creating this character instead of becoming someone worth in existence I separated myself from existence as a whole as being more/less than other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for a power outside of myself NOT realizing that my search for something more indicated that I have separated myself from existence as a whole into mind layers and dimensions-thus had the need/requirement to search for myself somewhere out there in order to validate my existence.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I AM existence/life in the flesh and what matters is/has always been here in front of me in the physical reality-instead I began a journey to the far-far land in my mind where I was looking to find a source of life-NOT realizing that LIFE is/has been always here-thus I am life-thus one and equal as life to all life forms in the physical existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately use my imaginary powers towards other people in the form of personal gain (get the one I am attracted to, be the healer/the special one...).

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see that my desire to be more than another (no matter the shape and form it may present itself) comes directly from me as a product of a society that creates more/less (competition) in order to validate itself as "life" within existence-not realizing that if we remove the competition/trying to fit in/the search for a source OUT there, existence as life is/has always been here-we just separated ourselves because we were unable to see that we are in fact LIFE down to the molecular level or whatever the smallest unit that exists as life is.

I commit myself to no longer play the superhero/healer character and create myself as something more than life, realizing that I can never be more or less than what I already am-LIFE- in that whenever I fall into this character- I stop, breathe, realize that this character is not who I am and stop my participation in it.

I commit myself to use what the physical has to offer and be a practical healer/helper of others-not as a special power but as reality, as the resources I take from what Earth has to offer for me to use-no special powers from a far, far away land (mind)- in that if there is a point that arises within myself to have a special power- I stop, breathe, realize that this power is unreal and bring myself back to reality.

I commit myself to show others (who are in the same place in their mind from where I come from) that the real power lays in fact inside ourselves-not as separate entity but it stands as life-that which we essentially all are within existence.

I commit myself to show the others who are waking my path from the mind back to reality that we in fact are existence-LIFE and we can never be more/less than that which we offer ourselves to express as life in the physical.

1 comment: