Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 23- Breaking Through

Today I was looking through some old archives (print outs) I had placed in a folder from my very first post on the Desteni Forum (which then had a much different look as it was in process of development and establishment to the forum it is today). What I noticed in my writing was the huge amount of CONFUSION. My post was full of questions that questioned what is real and not in this world as all I had previously thought/perceived to be real was shattered down.

One of the biggest illusions I had was that there is something out there (higher being, higher self, angels on different planes) within my mind that was the reality and this physical world was the illusion. Wow, how wrong was I to have built that belief. I mean how can I ignore the matter of that which exists here in the physical reality?

Anyhow. As I read my post I realized how far I've come since that day 28 March 2008 when I first joined the forum and began to open my eyes to self responsibility and reality of our world and how we create it and the most important part the solution to self change and global change.

I went from meditating and trying to astral project using my mind and creating all kinds of things in there to escape the physical reality as I was experiencing my physical reality heartbroken, self victimizing, accepting my feelings and emotions to lead the direction of my life, searching for love and that special one looking for that special feeling, believing that I am meant to be with a certain person, that the "higher self/being" has me align with, searching for some special bliss out there to fulfill me....blah blah...blah.

When I realized this all has been a lie that I and only I created in my mind and that I can walk out of it, and create myself within the real physical time and space, with real people,  with self direction by taking self responsibility to self forgive/self correct and clear the mind crap I had used to fill myself up with, learning how to actually for the first time be self directive and not react to emotions and feelings but respond with practicality and effectiveness------THERE IS NO GOING BACK!!!

By reading my very first post today, I realized that I have been judgmental towards other people who for the first time come across Desteni and experience the same confusion I did. I realized that I have not considered the other people from that perspective because I am so far away from that point of confusion and I have the expectation that they will "just get it", when it takes time and willingness to make the decision to begin this process with awareness. It does not happen over night as it is something walked in the physical reality. And every person must realize it for themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself expect others to simply "just get it"when I myself have been physically walking process to be where I am today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT consider/step in the shoes of the other person's perspective and see where they are coming from just as someone else stepped in my shoes and was able to assist me on the forum when I came from the perspective of confusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that hearing the message of Desteni and Equal Money System is hard for people to see in a single breath and just because I have been able to see it/realize it does not mean that every person is ready and yet capable of comprehending the core of what is being said because of where people exists in their minds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that the mind creates a HUGE resistance to hearing anything other than what it has made itself to be and that for a person to step out of the dear place they hold in their life of illusion or escape, it will take courage, bravery, will to push through (like breaking from an egg) and what the person needs is gentle support and guidance (like I had received) in order to built trust and make the decision to wake the fuck up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react and threat the other person's words of non comprehension of the Desteni material as a personal attack, when in reality their minds are reacting to the information because they can't/don't know any other way.

When I begin to feel like a person is attacking me, I stop, I breathe and consider their starting point without judgement and see how based on where they are coming from I can assist them or not.

I commit myself to NOT take some one's words on a personal level and allowing myself to feel attacked, instead I commit myself to try my best to guide the person (whether using Desteni material or simply pointing a common sense direction in a language they can understand) and if that is not possible make the decision to leave them alone because abuse is simply INTOLERABLE.

I breathe!


  1. Cool realizations here Antoaneta! True we can forget that we did not understand everything in the beginning and it took time and the decision had to come from self to begin to walk this process of self discovery and thus to be patient and supportive of those in that same position, and that once we embark on this path to developing real self will and self direction, there really is no turning back! Thanks!

  2. great blog - I enjoyed it - yes we require to see 'where a person is coming from' and be gentle within supporting another to see and realize what they simply may not have seen/considered before

  3. Really cool review here, thanks for sharing these self reflection points Antoaneta!