Today I am looking at my behavior around elderly people and more specific my grandparents. Since I have arrived in the US both my grandparents (my dad's and my mom's side) have visited multiple times. I am not going to discuss my childhood and my grandparents in this blog but rather my later years-particularly how I experience myself with my grandma visiting last year, and now my grandparents on my mom's side.
So there is this tendency of getting annoyed with my grandmas and now my husband's grandma as well, and more so with the personality design they have become throughout their lives and how they have changed as they have gotten older. They like to "pass" down their information to me to which I experience a reaction to (what/how/where/why I should do something). When I react, my voice gets either louder in response to them and blabs the opposite of what they are trying to tell me and I justify why I am right and what they are telling me it's wrong OR I am quiet participating in my backchat while they are talking. I would like to self correct myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an annoying reaction towards the grandmas. I realize that according to them they mean "good" even if what they are saying comes out from their built emotions/feelings and attachments they have accepted as life. I realize that they have become who they are by accepting and allowing to exists within fear, beauty, believes, ideas, reactions...to others and when they speak to me they are representing these designs as themselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mean to them or ignore them in reaction to being annoyed with how/what/why they are sharing with me instead of explaining my starting point in whatever I am doing even if it does not agree with their point of view on how things should be handled.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see the self reflection to my reaction of their words and investigate why what they are saying is annoying me.
When the point of annoyance arises I stop, I breathe and direct myself to step into the grandma's shoes to understand what they are saying. I realize that their starting point may not be in the best solution. I explain myself and proceed without reactions.
In the case of a grandparent not being able to understand me, I direct myself to step back and depending on what the situation is let it go, because I realize that it is very hard to change the personality design of an elderly person-almost impossible because they are used to their life style and what they have built as themselves.
I commit myself to establish a common ground for conversation/understanding and polite treatment of the grandmas because I realize that is the best assistance I can offer in self honesty.