Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Day 47-Process Dependence- (Approve Me)

Here I am continuing to walk the point from my previous blog Day 46- Process Dependence . Following the previous blog I am going to take on the first point I see relevant in walking and that is the need/requirement/dependence to be with others participating in the same thing in order to be motivated to participate as well. In the last post's particular case was the need for my husband to join Desteni and /or to be around other Destonians so that I can be consistent in walking my process. However this applies for any social activity I have ever come across with. The moment others fall away, are no longer participating I quit as well.

So lets unfold this point:
Why?- it feels good because I am not alone, it can be shared and I am "not alone" it is socially approved by others/my husband.
How? - the presence of others doing the same thing together is sharing the same activity and it makes it more enjoyable and it is approved by others.

My starting point thus was not to participate in the activity itself but socialize through the activity, so when the social feeling is no longer there, neither am I. When I bring this to my process then my starting point has been that of belonging to a group rather than the process itself and thus participation within the process with others has been inconsistent.
The social feeling is attached validation/ "approval" from others/my husband, and when I am not "approved/validated" then I am discouraged to motivate me.  This then means that I want my husband/others to approve/validate my process, make it "socially Ok" but since I am getting resistance from him- it means he does not approve and thus can't validate my process. And this has eager me to prove process to him so that he can accept "my process/me".  And because I cannot move myself- it creates a situation where my proving is not validated because my starting point is to prove process and not walk it, be it.

Okay, Self Forgiveness to come as well as more dimensions of investigating dependency in general because I experience dependency on other levels as well.



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