This blog follows up my last blog Day 51- Letting Go of my Cats. Here I want to go over some self forgiveness regarding my relationship with cats from an attachment/love perspective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that cats experience emotions/feelings and thoughts like humans do because that is the only way I've known how to relate to an animal/pet and that is the only way my mind can interpret relating to an animal, like it would relate to another's human beings mind.
I forgive myself for not accepting, allowing and realizing that relationship to an animal/pet should be the physical interaction itself and the caring in meeting physical needs, enjoyment while being in each other's presence and the respect and appreciation towards another life form because from the perspective of life I and the animal/pet are equal and one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create judgments towards each of my cats based on their different expressions in how I have a favorite (Simba) based on his interaction with me and creating the idea that he would be most hurt if I gave him away because I apparently have a "special" bond, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the idea of a special bond that places him above my other cats, I have allowed my mind to perceive Simba's expression as special, when it reality it is simply an expression of him and I should simply enjoy the presence of all my cats equally in each moment that we are in each other's presence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my mind with ideas that I am saving animals and that (when I took them in) without considering how those cats will physically be with each other, how their expressions will interact with each other, without taking into consideration my physical space and ability to care for a certain amount of cats, thus in that I was playing the savior construct.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that cats/animals/pets depend on human interaction to be "happy" and aside from them depending on being fed (because they are in captivity-hence pets) they are independent life forms that are aware of their physical and know how to live independently.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing apparent ownership over my cats/animals/pets as in a "master" "slave" relationship, as in I have some kind of power over them because their feeding depends on me giving it to them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to alienate myself from my cats because I think it will make it easier for me to give them away, thus by alienating myself I am creating a detachment from the previous created attachment, instead of making sure that I am present with them as usual and being able to give them away because that is the best option presented.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty for having to give my cats away, instead of simply seeing what needs to be practically done based on my current situation and simply do it.
When and if I experience sadness on an emotional level about my cats, I stop, I breathe and transform the sadness to being grateful for the time I have had them in my life.