The past few weeks I have been experiencing myself very irritable with my immediate environment, people, space, housework and having the feeling that everything is just "upside down" around me and it has been making me feel overwhelmed because I am experiencing a resistance to writing and doing anything in general.
A recent Desteni group chat assisted me in seeing the point in the relationship between internal (self) and external (immediate environment). Which is that to change the external one must change the internal, and that the external simply reflects the internal because if one looks at this point they will see that in away we create our external by the way we behave and direct ourselves within the immediate environment. Thus things that are within our power to change is ourselves internally and that will show in our external environment.
However what I also learned in the Desteni group chat regarding the external/internal relationship is that one has the power to create something in their immediate environment that will also assist with the ones internal process of self change.
The problem arises when all my mind seeks is to blame my external environment for the way I feel internally. Then I realize that I have given my self power to my mind (feelings/emotions) to direct how I internally react to my immediate environment and in that how my immediate environment is validated to what I am experiencing internally in reflecting back at me. And so it begins to cycle, until I put a stop to it.
So what I should do is look at my immediate environment and see where I can make it supportive to my internal process-such as setting up time for writing, yoga, homework, work related stuff, chats, internet time, DIP, ratings, reading other blogs, house work, Victor time, James time, other's time and Me time.
I have been allowing my days to be disorganized without having a specific plan I set for myself to move me through my day to complete and enjoy myself in everything that I do. And the result has been suppression and pressure from things pilling up- because I do not carry out what I am willing to do internally into my external and actually physically doing it/applying it. And I noticed that the blame for this suppression and pressure was directed towards my external environment in how I have been feeling irritated.
I got up this morning and I had a blank on what to do with my time. When in the back of my head all these things that needed to be done were sitting-suppressed because I did not want to be bothered with anything. Thus my day was not very productive in how I could have planned it.
I realize that it is my responsibility to move myself and I commit myself to look at my internal and external in seeing what is supportive and what is not. I need to probably begin with a schedule for myself so that I don't allow to slack off or "forget". Then that would be an external support for my internal process because it will be physically here for me to look at and stick to. When I keep it in my mind I tend to not want to physically do it.
I will be creating a general schedule for myself reflecting my immediate environment and will share it when finished.