This post is reflecting a point that was mentioned in the Google Hang Out discussion: Self Corrective and Commitment Statements. In the discussion it was mentioned to look at a point/reaction through how the body experiences it rather when I am already in the mind possession of the energy. In that, the reaction is caught right before it is experienced in the mind through the thoughts/emotions/feelings. I mean how cool is that your body will physically indicate "Hello!!! Stop Right Now, Breath and Stabilize Yourself".
After the listening to the hang out I laid down and took a nap with that in "mind". And right before I fell asleep I looked at over what did it mean to look at point through the physical body and in what instances have I actually been aware of my body experiencing the reaction. And I realized that I just have not been paying attention to my body in such a way before unless it was something very noticeable or painful in which I can immediately skip the mind processing connection and focus straight on my physical body.
Then I fell asleep (light sleep) and upon waking up I heard voices (others around me talking) and the first thing I became aware of was how my body was tensing up upon hearing the sound/tonality of people talking which in that particular instance was not pleasant- someone was raising their voice about something and as my body took the sound/vibe of the conversation it tensed up. I am already aware that I don't like loud sounds of people arguing/yelling as it takes me out of my stability, it shakes me and I don't know how to handle myself in such moments because I freeze. And now I see why I freeze- it is because my body experience to the voice tonality expressed through energy that comes out of the words. And if those words are directed at me the experience is even worse. My muscles tense up, my stomach area (where the emotion and my reaction begins to develop at that particular time) experiences this light, shaky, uneasy feeling and then my whole body becomes to feel weak like I was hit in my stomach and out of breath about to faint.
Previously I would miss the part where my muscles tense and I would straight up just feel the stomach feeling and freeze/retrieve and take on/allow myself to accept the energy that was directed at me from the other person. And then I move into my mind and the backchat begins to justify/defend myself from the starting point of reaction like I need to defend my right to what is being directed at me.
So it's cool to look at this from the physical perspective as it is often missed as one goes in towards the energy reaction and backchats.
So since that particular experience is very frequent within me as it prevents my stability in points of confrontations, being blamed for something, or put down by another for whatever reason- it prevents me from using my common sense to respond in moments of such with stability and resolution.
To be continued....