Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Day 77- "It's Not Fair!"

I am going to be opening up the point of when I experience as something not being fair according to my perception and how something I perceive as unfair makes me feel (within the individual picture) and then within the large picture asking the question "Is anything really fair in the way we have set up this world?"

My definition of fair is something that is supposed to be equal in it's distribution between people. And that would sound like a reasonable definition only the problem with that definition is that I am seeing things from my perception/mind ONLY of what that distribution should be based on my standing within the "equation" which is not necessarily fair once everyone is placed into the equation as a whole simply because without investigating what fair would be considering everyone I would not know what fair really is. The investigation itself takes one to see all points of views to establish what one would call fair/equal distribution. When when looking fair from my perception/mind can and most likely will be egoistic.

There are two examples that come within me:
1. That of a child who is unable to yet see/realize that others experience feelings just the same way that the child does and only complains or cries when something happens to them in which case they would say "that is not fair"- meaning that is not fair to ME because I feel uncomfortable.

2. Some time ago I walked the point of sharing chores in the household and I used to get mad when I felt I was the only one cleaning. I had the expectation that we can all distribute the chores equally (and equally meant the chore itself). At the time I had not considered the person's time and ability/availability to perform the task/chore. I used to say that "if I can do it- so can everybody else". There used to be a huge backchat and I would suppress it/internalize it until it accumulated and I blew up either in crying or yelling at the others in the household for not being part of a team. And I had to realize that each accept responsibility for themselves- thus 1. I cannot make other accept the responsibility, and 2. I had to become considerate of the others ability/availability. Thus I would say "it's not fair"

The phrase "it's not fair" is something that comes up within me a lot, however now it is not so obvious for me to see, because once I've walked the obvious points it goes deeper to points that I have to investigate further to realize that the origin point of them was that feeling of something being unfair to my perception/liking.

So how does this ultimately affect me as a reaction. I experience this in the form of inner anger. I have to remind myself that my mind system I've programmed myself to internalize and suppress. So I appear quiet, like everything is OK until it builds up in my backchat/reactions and it comes out in crying or yelling/defending my right/ego.

So I can look at this point on individual level of what happens personally to me in my life, as well as on a collective level of the world system where I would see something for example, like animal abuse, rape, murder, war as being unfair- not realizing that in reality the actual world system is designed to be unfair/unjust which is a reflection of our inner unfairness/justifications/excuses (MINDS)  simply projected onto the world as a whole. Which is why we are equal participants to creating unfairness on the first place and then we go on and complain about it only when something personal touches our lives that we see as unfair because that is how it makes ME feel.

To be continued...

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