Saturday, December 20, 2014

Day 86- My Child vs Others (Comparison Self-Forgiveness)- Part 2


On one of the latest DIP Google Hangout on “
Transforming Family Dynamics: ParentingSupportopened up some points within me that essentially summarize the starting point for the comparison point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my son to other children based on my ideas and pictures of what my child should be like and behave like in comparison to other children- including myself as a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to NOT realize/admit that I HAVE created/projected certain expectations for my son and those expectations have nowhere else to emerge from but from the starting point of comparison (whether to other children or even to my own childhood). Thus, in deed I have created a picture of a future child (subconsciously) even before my son was born based on my experiences with my parents, my experience with other children within my childhood-which has been laying dormant because I am not fully aware of this within me yet as my son is still young- but every once and awhile I do think of him growing up and how he will be and what I can do to shape him as a “good” person. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project limitations for him because if I am trying to shape him a certain way by default I would be limiting him developing himself as he is growing up which can only cause problems within the relationship between a parent and a child as the child will not be given the opportunity to explore all the options he/she could to decide for themselves who they are going to built themselves to be as a being within existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project in the future instead of focusing on the present moment and simply being here in support of my son's development and enjoy him in every stage of him growing up and realize that within being here in full support of him- I am in fact guiding him/teaching him but not making the choices for him- because he will have to learn how to make choices for himself and the best I can do as a parent is to teach him the ability to make practical choices (within guidance-depending on his age of course). Thus to be an effective guider I need to let go of the control (expectations for how/who I want my child to be) and let him explore himself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to plan the life of my son based on built up expectations I have for him even if they are very subtle, because it has not been a point I had considered before (prior to listening to the hangout).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am allowing my son to develop within self expression and establish himself as an individual life, when subconsciously I would go into a relationship of comparing my ideas/pictures of him and how it fits in comparison to my personal experience as a child as well as the experience with children as a teacher.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see/understand and realize that as a teacher I simply have an understanding of the opportunities I can offer to a child (because it is a process I have walked in my studies) to learn and that I can utilize this only within self honesty-that it is nothing special/that I should not make it something special- like a quality I possess because the moment I place myself as being special the starting point of myself as a teacher changes and it is no longer pure because now I allow myself to compare myself to other parents and essentially say that I am better than other parents because I have an advantage point (which can only exists as an ego point).

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing to see/understand/realize that the only way to provide what is best for my son is to be here with him in every moment of his development, that this is a process that requires movement moment by moment as whatever comes within our lives and in stability take everything step by step within practical solutions and development.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is something my son is teaching me here and right now- that his growing is a process directly reflecting my personal process. 

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