Continuing from Day 94- Fatherly Duties (Part 6)
8. The positive/negative feeling/experience of the idea of having a second child.
Positive: When seeing other women who have more than one child or are pregnant with a second child, I get this fuzzy feeling in my stomach area creating the desire to have another child (as if it will complete me/ or a set of a family- mother, father and two children).
Negative: when seeing other women that have more than one child or are pregnant with a second child, I get a jealousy feeling full of judgments/backchats-”I can't believe this person just had a second baby, what are they thinking? Everyone should have 1 child!”
I realize that those are polarity feelings that I use to justify my inner conflict on the decision of having or not having a second child. They are actually both judgmental experiences towards others and simply reflect my instability regarding the topic.
The polarity judgements/backchats are reflected in all the points I've walked so far in this writing about a second child and they really have nothing to do with those other mothers. In fact I know nothing about the decisions those other mothers have taken in order to have a second child and I am making things up in my mind to use as an excuse to justify my experiences regarding the topic of a second child.
Thus I commit myself to when I experience a positive or a negative reaction to seeing other mothers with more than one child to stop and go back to the points I have walked in my writing to remind myself the real reason for experiencing this polarity and bringing it back to self and the physical reality to my decision of whether I will have a second child or not.
I commit myself to pay close attention to see if I am not trying to suppress experiencing the polarity so that I am 100% clear.
Thus when looking/seeing other mothers with more than one child I will have no reactions towards myself and the other mothers but remind myself of what is practical for myself which should be the only factor relevant to the decision of a second child.