Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Day 142- Hidden Personalities-Giving Away My Responsibility

This is a continuation from Day 139- The 12 Year Old Me And Self Responsibility.

Recently I was driving my car and I was looking into scenarios where I tend to give away my self responsibility. I passed a cop car and I immediately looked at my speed and then in the rear view window (this is something regular I do whenever I see a cop on the road to double check). But it is where my thoughts went that was the problem. First thought- "What if I get pulled over?". Second thought "J will be upset that I got pulled over which will cause a conflict within me because he will "lecture" me on driving and then I will react and be upset at him."

So looking at this I did not reflect onto me and how I would feel regarding being pulled over but what my husband would think and say because from previous experiences he is the one that gets upset when I get pulled over (or something that happens to the car). Within this because I am not being self directive in response to my own action- I have given my self responsibility to my husband to react to and respond for me.

Now lets be clear- it is not that I need to have an emotional reaction to getting pulled over because then I will be giving my responsibility to the mind to react in anger, fear towards myself.
This focus is rather about the thought of what another will be thinking/saying/doing and how that reflects onto me as a person who does not want conflict. Which is the hidden personality of suppression/pleasing construct that I have bee addressing.

Another scenario I was able to see was in relation to my mom and her taking care of things that I should be taking care of. And of course, again, there is nothing wrong with accepting help from another when needed. But throughout the years this has become a hidden expectation (something as simple as making a phone call to the insurance to take care of a problem and me not wanting to talk to the agents).

So I have come to realize that giving away my responsibility is disempowering because the power of ourselves is located in being able to accept self responsibility for what we do by asking ourselves "Who am I in relation to this scenario and how am I going to handle it without reacting emotionally?" It is not about reacting emotionally, but rather about responding to the situation. SELF RESPONSE-I-ABILITY= the ability to respond.

To be continued...

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