Thursday, March 31, 2016

Day 148- A Memoir of Lisa (my cat)

Since I was discussing the word "Death" in my past blog from a symbolic perspective I wanted to give it a direction/meaning from a physical perspective. And really this post is over due.

In my life so far the only "death" I have personally experienced was the death of my cat Lisa. I had Lisa for 17 years since she was a kitten that can fit in my two palms. When she was a kitten i thought she was going to die because she got sick, so I cried a lot-she obviously did not die.
Lisa was there for me in sad times and happy times and through all my love interests. She was a support for me in hard times. When I would cry she'd come to me and start purring. When I was sick she would lay on my tummy. When I was gone on vacation and came back she would welcome me with purring. There was a time in my life when I would go into thoughts and projections about what I would do when Lisa dies. Essentially I was making myself depressed because this thought/projection came with a feeling of sadness, or self victimization.  I can say that in a way I mentally abused her genuine support by thinking of her being death and how that would make ME feel.
Six months before she died the vet told me that she may have a hyperthyroid condition (she was having the signs and symptoms). I did not think anything of it- she was her normal self....but as time progressed I noticed she started to bump into the wall or furniture which meant her eyes were going out (part of the condition). It did not hit me until two weeks before she died that this was it...she was slowly going.
Fast forward to the day she died- she was in terrible condition. She had not purred for days, eaten very little, and having trouble breathing. Her tongue was sticking out. I had to make the call. Yes, she did not pass by herself. I had to make the decision to euthanize her. Because of walking my process with Desteni by this time I have gotten wiser- meaning I knew what I had to do no matter how hard because now it was time to consider her and not how I would feel if she dies. It was a process of letting go in the real sense. It was a process of facing death for the first time of a being I have grown up with and created many life moments with. I had to consider her physical body and accept that it was time for her to move on from the physical world as my cat Lisa.
An hour before I took her to the vet I spoke to her about what was going to happen, I pet her, and I asked her to purr for me one last time. Right as we were going out she purred for like a minute while I pet her and gave me one last meow. So I can say that we said goodbye to each other. I took her in the car in the carrier and she peed herself on the way there. The vet people were very nice and sympathetic. They explained the procedure and it began- My eyes were balling with tears watching her take her last breaths of live in the physical. And then she was gone. I gave her a goodbye kiss and my husband and I left the vet place. I grieved that day through the process of really letting her go from within myself.

I am cherishing the moments we had together and I am thankful for her being in my life, supporting my physical body and my being. And that is essentially what we need to do when loosing someone. We cannot dwell in the past because life goes on and moves forward. And with every death comes a new life. We now have a dog named Zoey to whom I would like to give the same support in the physical as I gave Lisa and with whom we will create new moments of life

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