Monday, October 31, 2016

Day 174- Talking To My Son About Our Coming Up Arrival

In this blog I would like to share some cool aspects I have applied with my son (4 year old) when it comes to the expected baby.

Before this future baby was conceived I spoke to my son about him becoming a brother. I tested the "waters" to see how he felt about being a brother- and I understand he does not actually comprehend what that entails but it was a way of having an open communication with my son and including him in this decision by bringing an awareness to him that there is going to be another baby/child in our family.
Once the baby was conceived, I told my son that there will be a baby coming to our family. I gave a short explanation as to where the baby is and it was going to be growing inside of my "tummy". I also have been taking him to my doctor's appointments so that he can hear the heart beat, and see the baby on the ultrasound which he found fascinating (within that giving the opportunity for an educational moment). I have also been very straight forward with him regarding the anatomy/biology aspect of it (of course in a manner for his age).
A side note: At one of my previous jobs, I worked with a woman who was Christian religious and when her 5 year old son had asked her: "Where do babies come from?"- she had told him that "When mommy and daddy love each other, Jesus brings them a baby". Of course that is her choice to how she wanted to approach this matter- but to me it sounded completely ridiculous at which moment I pledged to myself that I would not be lying to my children and I would be as accurate as possible according to their age.
I went ahead and I showed my son his birth video. I thought what better moment to do this so that he has an idea about where babies come out from than to see himself coming out...LoL (I know gross, but that is the reality and it can be a great educational moment- while he is still young as I don't see myself showing this to my teenage son...) So when my son said: You are going to poop the baby out...LoL (logic cause I said it was in my tummy and the way he saw himself being born...) My response was: "No, I will push it out of my vagina, when the baby has grown enough and there is no more room in me." He laughed because he found it funny.
I have also shown him youtube videos about the process of fetus/baby development and we have been looking at the weekly baby development on an app.
So far it has been a cool experience and an opportunity for educational moments for me to see how to direct this process and for him to be able to learn about the human body- ultimately building an awareness for him about the process of birth. 

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Day 173- Looking at the word: CALM

When I hear/speak the word CALM I see/picture:
-slowing down
-soft movement like walking on clouds
-chill music
-to be left alone to myself
-everything going according to plan
-nice sunny perfect weather

Day 172- Being Secretly Mad/Upset/Angry at Someone

A realization I have had recently while being mad at someone for what they did or did not do was that by being mad and holding this energy in place I was self sabotaging me and who I am and how I moved myself throughout my day in relation to others and myself.
This energy of being mad/upset felt like a knot in my solar plexus that just would not go away and the more I fed this energy through my internal conversations about this person or the actions they did/did not do the more I felt self constricted and this reflected in my interactions with this person and with others with whom I was not upset at.
The way I see it there are two unhealthy ways to be mad at someone.
1. Through blowing up the anger at the other person
2. Through suppressing it (keeping in secret)
Neither of those ways is actually assisting with the core problem- which is the starting point for generating the energy of being upset. That means that I had allowed and accepted myself to participate in being angry- instead of looking at the issue with an open perspective and seeing in what part I am responsible for the core issue/problem. Where/how I can accept responsibility for my behavior/action and expectations of the other person. That it is not about what the other person is doing/ not doing but about what I am doing/ not doing because I am responsible for moving myself and how I react vs. respond towards the other person is on me (just as their actions are on themselves and their responsibility)

The healthy way is to release the energy that I have accepted and allowed to built up within me and have accepted and allowed to define me in those moments when interacting with this person. Then addressing the issue in a way that is not through being angry with the other person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep feeding the angry energy by keeping the internal conversation within myself about this person.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that I am responsible for accepting to keep the anger within me instead of releasing it and seeing with clarity instead of emotion.
I forgive myself for blaming the other person for the way I have allowed and accepted myself to feel towards them.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that by holding on to the anger towards the other person is in reality hurting myself because I am allowing reactions to move me and define who I am in relation to others in my daily life activities.

I commit myself to when entering a from of anger towards another person to stop, breathe and not allow this to develop any further.
I commit myself to instead reflect and get feed back on myself and how I will move and respond to this person without allowing room for a reaction.
I commit myself to be smart.