Sunday, October 30, 2016

Day 172- Being Secretly Mad/Upset/Angry at Someone

A realization I have had recently while being mad at someone for what they did or did not do was that by being mad and holding this energy in place I was self sabotaging me and who I am and how I moved myself throughout my day in relation to others and myself.
This energy of being mad/upset felt like a knot in my solar plexus that just would not go away and the more I fed this energy through my internal conversations about this person or the actions they did/did not do the more I felt self constricted and this reflected in my interactions with this person and with others with whom I was not upset at.
The way I see it there are two unhealthy ways to be mad at someone.
1. Through blowing up the anger at the other person
2. Through suppressing it (keeping in secret)
Neither of those ways is actually assisting with the core problem- which is the starting point for generating the energy of being upset. That means that I had allowed and accepted myself to participate in being angry- instead of looking at the issue with an open perspective and seeing in what part I am responsible for the core issue/problem. Where/how I can accept responsibility for my behavior/action and expectations of the other person. That it is not about what the other person is doing/ not doing but about what I am doing/ not doing because I am responsible for moving myself and how I react vs. respond towards the other person is on me (just as their actions are on themselves and their responsibility)

The healthy way is to release the energy that I have accepted and allowed to built up within me and have accepted and allowed to define me in those moments when interacting with this person. Then addressing the issue in a way that is not through being angry with the other person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep feeding the angry energy by keeping the internal conversation within myself about this person.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that I am responsible for accepting to keep the anger within me instead of releasing it and seeing with clarity instead of emotion.
I forgive myself for blaming the other person for the way I have allowed and accepted myself to feel towards them.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that by holding on to the anger towards the other person is in reality hurting myself because I am allowing reactions to move me and define who I am in relation to others in my daily life activities.

I commit myself to when entering a from of anger towards another person to stop, breathe and not allow this to develop any further.
I commit myself to instead reflect and get feed back on myself and how I will move and respond to this person without allowing room for a reaction.
I commit myself to be smart.

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