Friday, May 19, 2017

Day 192- Breastfeeding

In this blog I am sharing my experience with breastfeeding with both of my children.

With my fist son, I was only able to breastfeed for about 3 weeks. I had no idea what I was getting into when it came to breastfeeding which is why it was easy to give up when it was challenging. Now, I don't regret my choice because the choice I made at the time was what was best for me so that I can be best for my child. The problem was I was making too much milk and did not know how to handle it, my breast were engorged, I was pumping a lot of milk and I was not prepared to physically handle it, I was going to school so I felt stressed out to be pumping at school, I was in the process of taking of an important test which I ended up failing the first time and I was tired from sleepless nights. I was def not prepared for this as a first time mother. I ended up having mastitis 2 times within the 3 weeks and it was very painful. I was placed on antibiotics and I used this time to stop my milk. At first I felt horrible for failing as a "mother" however as I look back I know I made the correct choice for the time being and for where I was in my life at the time. So I had to find the formula that was best for my baby and not look back. I had to make sure that I was in a happy and calm place to be able to be there for my baby.

When I decided to have another baby I decided that I will try my best to do breastfeeding and this time I was prepared mentally. I worked on my fear that I will get infections again and that I will not be able to handle it- I did that in writing the fears and self forgiving them so that I cleared the fear within me. I also worked on making myself available to breastfeed- meaning that deep down within me I was truly willing to do it (because the first time I realized that deep within me it was not something I was truly willing to do, I was only doing because that is what I was supposed to do as a mother so my starting point within this was in fact not self honest). I knew that with my second child my starting point had to be self honest- that I am doing this because I want to provide for my baby, because I am willing to let my nipples be sore, willing to wake up and pump if I had to, willing to not let sleep be a problem.

I have now been breastfeeding for about 6 weeks and I can say that I am actually enjoying it in a weird special way. Yes, it may get uncomfortable and it may be sort of annoying to be leaking milk out of my breasts, or to have to pump the extra, but I found a spot where I enjoy nursing, where I sit and relax while my baby is nursing. So it is quite the adjustment for me and I am proud of my accomplishment.