Saturday, September 30, 2017

Day 196- Being Too Direct With My Child

An interesting point emerged today when I was self reflecting on why my son tends to argue with me when I tell/explain stuff to him. It had become a point of frustration because I would explain something to him and he will still stick to what he thinks is the correct answer (even if he clearly makes no sense). The reflection took me on the direction of looking at how when we talk/debate with adults we try to convince the other that we are correct regarding whatever situation. We speak about what we think is correct and if the other person has an opposing side they will become defensive (and that works vice versa).

There are two points that opened up in this reflection.
1. The child is choosing not to agree and argue because it is a form of voicing themselves out (when not being heard, or rather being shut down because the adult knows best).

2. The child is teaching me that I need to slow down and instead of giving a direct answer or explanation sometimes it is better to create circumstances where the child is given the opportunity to reach the answer for themselves. That will teach the child to explore and investigate and reach answers for themselves which in terms will build self esteem and independence.

I realize even with adults trying to convince someone that you are correct will not work if the other person does not want to hear. Thus, it is a cool approach to do- show, lead the other person to the answer by giving the opportunity for the person to investigate for themselves and reach an answer on their own- even if it turns out to be different than the answer that I have investigated for myself.

So I need to evaluate when I need to be direct with my child and when I need to give the opportunity for self investigation. I realize that I have been approaching my son in a manner of "I know what is best and I know the correct answer because I am the adult" and this has placed either resistance or self doubt on his part when it comes to looking at the world. Even as a teacher I have been eager to just the answers very directly to everything ignoring the chance and opportunity for the child to take the lead in investigating.

So that is something I will be testing from this point on.