Thursday, November 30, 2017

Day 198- When Anger Gets the Best of Me

I rarely get really angry or pissed off. Most times I will be upset about something, or even sad. However, certain times anger can get the best of me and then it feels like my head will explode and I literally experience this blockage, like a malfunctioning computer that throws swear words in the most random manner that makes no sense- other than having no other words to express this burst of energy.

A usual trigger to such anger is feeling something is not being done a fair manner to me. In those moments not considering everything in its totality but only that which impacts me directly. That moment when something has not gone as planned and it is everyone else's fault.  In that moment of feeling unjust where I allow anger to get the best of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the emotion of anger run through my body and in that allowing it to hurt me on a mental and physical level.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I have been treated unfairly because something did not go the way I had planned it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish in a way because I am not considering the other person when I am in the anger energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say hurtful things to another because I have allowed the anger to direct my words where I aim to say something hurtful to the other person so that I can feel better for that moment of lashing out.


Monday, October 30, 2017

Day 197- Explaining Anger to My Child

I found a cool way to explain anger to my five year old son. He can be quiet stubborn and whenever he sets his mind to something it is so hard for him let go if things are not going his way. So his initial reaction is to get mad (throw a tantrum about it) and then he will be sad until the energy has ran its course.
So to assist him I came up with a simple explanation- I said to him:
"Look at this cup of water, do you see how the water is calm and still- this is how your body feels inside when you are content. When you get angry (and I began to move the cup around) the water moves in all directions and it is not still anymore. This is how your body feels when you are angry about something. You will feel this yucky feeling of energy in your chest area, it feels uncomfortable. So, to settle our water down we need to breathe and be calm again. Then we can talk about what the problem is and come up with a solution. Because when we are angry we don't think about what we do. So how about we make a deal? When you see me getting angry you tell me- "mommy cool your waters", and I will do the same for you."

So it has been about 2 weeks since this conversation and we have been practicing those words together and there has been an effective result. His tantrums have been less drastic and I have been able to not react as much when he is reacting to something. So it is in progress. I think this can be effective with any child. Give it a try :)

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Day 196- Being Too Direct With My Child

An interesting point emerged today when I was self reflecting on why my son tends to argue with me when I tell/explain stuff to him. It had become a point of frustration because I would explain something to him and he will still stick to what he thinks is the correct answer (even if he clearly makes no sense). The reflection took me on the direction of looking at how when we talk/debate with adults we try to convince the other that we are correct regarding whatever situation. We speak about what we think is correct and if the other person has an opposing side they will become defensive (and that works vice versa).

There are two points that opened up in this reflection.
1. The child is choosing not to agree and argue because it is a form of voicing themselves out (when not being heard, or rather being shut down because the adult knows best).

2. The child is teaching me that I need to slow down and instead of giving a direct answer or explanation sometimes it is better to create circumstances where the child is given the opportunity to reach the answer for themselves. That will teach the child to explore and investigate and reach answers for themselves which in terms will build self esteem and independence.

I realize even with adults trying to convince someone that you are correct will not work if the other person does not want to hear. Thus, it is a cool approach to do- show, lead the other person to the answer by giving the opportunity for the person to investigate for themselves and reach an answer on their own- even if it turns out to be different than the answer that I have investigated for myself.

So I need to evaluate when I need to be direct with my child and when I need to give the opportunity for self investigation. I realize that I have been approaching my son in a manner of "I know what is best and I know the correct answer because I am the adult" and this has placed either resistance or self doubt on his part when it comes to looking at the world. Even as a teacher I have been eager to just the answers very directly to everything ignoring the chance and opportunity for the child to take the lead in investigating.

So that is something I will be testing from this point on.



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Day 195- Inspire/Expire

I came across the word "inspire" some time ago when I was looking at some yoga videos by Megan Currie. Today I decided to look into this word on a deeper level.
The first thought that came up within me was a memory when I was in my younger years in college. I was taking ENG 101 and we were required to write an essay on someone who has been a mentor to me or someone who has inspired me. At the time I had no connection to this word so it was a tough essay to write as I had to bullshit my way and make up a story that was not real but had real people in my life. That was because at the time I did not have anyone who I can say had inspired me to do something special in my life- thus I had no idea what that would be like- thus I had no connection to this word.
When I first came across Megan's timelapse yoga videos I got an idea of what it meant to be inspired. However, it remained just a feeling as I did not actually get myself up and started to do yoga as I would have liked myself to be doing- thus the word remained a feeling rather than a LIVING word.

When saying the word out loud it sounds like IN-SPYER-as in a person that is looking/spying inward. And then for some reason the word "expire" came up sounding as EX-SPYER-as in a person looking/spying outward or simply no longer looking/spying.
When placing the two words together inspire/expire it's like saying IN-BREATH/OUT-BREATH. Take in the inspiration within self and expire that which self does not need, that which is not self supportive.

So how to live the word "inspire" into the physical and not on energy level?
How can "inspire" be a starting point of self motivation rather than a dream?
For something to be inspiring it means that I have the will/desire towards doing that something but I have not moved this will/desire forward into physically doing something about it. This is quite common for me in my life so within looking at this word, it is like a step stone in my process of learning how to take the inspiration into reality. So this is def a word I will be focusing on working with.







Thursday, July 27, 2017

Day194- Living the word "Pace"

For about two months now I have been focusing on the word "pace". What first brought my attention to this word was that I realized how I wanted everything to move fast in my life. I would always be looking towards the next moment instead of living the moment here.
My biggest indicator was while driving my car and I would be late for my destination, an internal feeling would arise where I would push for the car to move faster but of course realistically going with the speed and traffic faster would not be an option. The inner feeling of "pushing faster" would physically cause for me to hold my breath in before breathing again, there would be this tension on the back of my throat, I would get frustrated with people on the road and blame traffic for me being late on the first place. In other aspects of my life this "push for faster" would make me miss on the moments happening now and that would bring my attention in my mind for a future event. So the way I have been practicing living the word "pace" is by simply calling the word out loud when I begin to experience the desire for fast movement and looking towards the next moment. I say to myself "pace yourself, slow down, be here". Then internally my body relaxes and my mind comes back to being here with my physical body and not rushing off to somewhere else.

PACE sounds like PEACE and it also rhymes with RACE

PACE: to bring my physical body, mind and being to one point/moment that is here unfolding forward step by step and stop the race for the next moment. 

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Day 193- Taking My stand on Vaccines

Disclamer: I am not in the medical profession and my knowledge of the medical field is general to that which I have come across in reading/watching, thus my blog reflects my own investigation/observation within the topic of vaccines with the starting point of wanting to learn and form my own understanding based on the information that is out there reflecting both sides of the matter.  
P.S. My husband is not part of my investigation as he has his mind set up on one side of the matter- vaccines are a must and that science behind this matter is settled and we do as a family vaccinate our children even if we disagree on the topic of vaccines.

I first began questioning the matter of vaccines when I was pregnant with my first son. By that time the other side of the matter had flourished into existence and like any concerned parent I began to question the validity of vaccines, however I never really formed my own understanding and I was in constant scare every time I took my son to get vaccinated. Luckily he had no adverse reactions.

So if somebody came to me today and asked me what I think of vaccines or where I stand on the matter? This will be my answer to them.

I am neither pro-vax nor anti-vax. I will not lean towards either side of the matter in a radical way. I have read so many comments of both sides of the matter, and the most hateful and one sided are those of defensive pro-vax people. They will go and call people that are anti-vax crazy and "killing" their children and that they should never had had children if they are not going to vaccinate,....Nasty comments!
I understand how vaccines work and I can say that in general it is a great invention, at least in its purpose, however I will not agree that they are safe for everyone. Some people should not be vaccinated and I am not talking about the elderly or sick. I am talking about healthy developing children that do have an adverse reaction and parents never know until it is too late, until they have already been vaccinated and their child has a reaction like a seizure, very high temperature, horrible rashes, need to be hospitalized and brain damage (just read/watch people's personal stories, people who need to go through that pain and suffering for their child and the guilt of being bullied into vaccination).

It is up to the medical field to do the research and create a test that will check what child is ok for vaccination and what child is not. There should be a test done to every infant that tests for reactions to ingredients in vaccines as well as how their body can handle a vaccine. Every person's body is different and processes toxins differently and if the body is not capable of ridding of specific toxin then it will react. Vaccines are not "one size fits all". I do think that majority of the population do not have advise reactions but their immune system could be compromised in one way or another. My oldest son has a weak spot for ear infections when he was a toddler it never failed that he got an ear infection following vaccinations after he was 10 months or so. Always on antibiotics.....thankfully there are things to detox the body and boost the immune system. Thankfully his body has been able to handle vaccines the "normal" way. But that is not the case for everyone, there is a % (and I am not sure what that is since I do not trust CDC 100%) out of the children who do have adverse reactions and if it was not for people who have shared their tragic stories people would never had questioned the safety of vaccines. My heart goes out to the people who have had to share a tragic story. I would never wish upon a parent to have to experience the pain of vaccine injury, even to those parents who are so strongly pro-vax and are bullying others who disagree.

I think that every parent has the responsibility to investigate the topic of vaccines for themselves and make an inform decision about their child. No parent should be bullied into vaccinating, and even though this is a national matter of protecting people from deceases it is also a personal matter UNTIL vaccines are 100% safe and not another tragic story ever has to be shared. Only then will I agree that YES- lets vaccinate everyone. Until then I stand that this is a parent's choice, because WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR VACCINE INJURED CHILD? Not the CDC for sure! However they will MAYBE compensate you via VAERS (specifically designed to compensate vaccine injured children through the vaccine court)

I partly do think there is a conspiracy when it comes to vaccines. I do think that is because of BIG Pharma and money. Why? Because the society/money system we live in is known to be corrupted so even those scientist that present their peer reviewed articles cannot be 100% trusted. I will never know who stuck money into who's pocket to twist results. There have been whistleblowers. Until there is no such drive for corruption, I will never 100% trust CDC, FDA, and whatever other organization governs our personal lives with the pretense that they care what is best for the people.

I also think that homeopathy needs to become part of modern medical science. I recently found out that there are homeopathic vaccines. I don't know much of the topic yet, however why is this not discussed. If those vaccines are safer than the conventional than they should be part of the investigation towards bettering vaccines. I am a person who strongly stands with alternative medicine to work with conventional.

So my children do get vaccines however I am cautious, I am aware to look for signs of even the slightest reactions, I am aware to read the insert packet so if an reaction did occur I will know that is is caused by the vaccine. I pay close attention to behavior in my children post vaccines to make sure there is no change, and I have researched methods for detoxing the body and boosting the immune system prior and following vaccines. I make sure that my child is healthy before vaccinations as I would never agree to vaccinate my sick child. My children DO NOT get the flu shot EVER. And no way in hell can you convince me to give 8 vaccines at once as some of the tragic stories I read/watched. I understand the body needs time to process vaccines.

And that is where I stand on vaccines however my investigation is always on going. I want to keep up with this topic and keep myself informed. "Science is settled" is not a good answer for me. It is not settled until there is 100% safety when it comes to vaccines. They will have to keep researching and change ingredients, make them safe, maybe take and learn from homeopathic medicine.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Day 192- Breastfeeding

In this blog I am sharing my experience with breastfeeding with both of my children.

With my fist son, I was only able to breastfeed for about 3 weeks. I had no idea what I was getting into when it came to breastfeeding which is why it was easy to give up when it was challenging. Now, I don't regret my choice because the choice I made at the time was what was best for me so that I can be best for my child. The problem was I was making too much milk and did not know how to handle it, my breast were engorged, I was pumping a lot of milk and I was not prepared to physically handle it, I was going to school so I felt stressed out to be pumping at school, I was in the process of taking of an important test which I ended up failing the first time and I was tired from sleepless nights. I was def not prepared for this as a first time mother. I ended up having mastitis 2 times within the 3 weeks and it was very painful. I was placed on antibiotics and I used this time to stop my milk. At first I felt horrible for failing as a "mother" however as I look back I know I made the correct choice for the time being and for where I was in my life at the time. So I had to find the formula that was best for my baby and not look back. I had to make sure that I was in a happy and calm place to be able to be there for my baby.

When I decided to have another baby I decided that I will try my best to do breastfeeding and this time I was prepared mentally. I worked on my fear that I will get infections again and that I will not be able to handle it- I did that in writing the fears and self forgiving them so that I cleared the fear within me. I also worked on making myself available to breastfeed- meaning that deep down within me I was truly willing to do it (because the first time I realized that deep within me it was not something I was truly willing to do, I was only doing because that is what I was supposed to do as a mother so my starting point within this was in fact not self honest). I knew that with my second child my starting point had to be self honest- that I am doing this because I want to provide for my baby, because I am willing to let my nipples be sore, willing to wake up and pump if I had to, willing to not let sleep be a problem.

I have now been breastfeeding for about 6 weeks and I can say that I am actually enjoying it in a weird special way. Yes, it may get uncomfortable and it may be sort of annoying to be leaking milk out of my breasts, or to have to pump the extra, but I found a spot where I enjoy nursing, where I sit and relax while my baby is nursing. So it is quite the adjustment for me and I am proud of my accomplishment.