Friday, May 19, 2017

Day 192- Breastfeeding

In this blog I am sharing my experience with breastfeeding with both of my children.

With my fist son, I was only able to breastfeed for about 3 weeks. I had no idea what I was getting into when it came to breastfeeding which is why it was easy to give up when it was challenging. Now, I don't regret my choice because the choice I made at the time was what was best for me so that I can be best for my child. The problem was I was making too much milk and did not know how to handle it, my breast were engorged, I was pumping a lot of milk and I was not prepared to physically handle it, I was going to school so I felt stressed out to be pumping at school, I was in the process of taking of an important test which I ended up failing the first time and I was tired from sleepless nights. I was def not prepared for this as a first time mother. I ended up having mastitis 2 times within the 3 weeks and it was very painful. I was placed on antibiotics and I used this time to stop my milk. At first I felt horrible for failing as a "mother" however as I look back I know I made the correct choice for the time being and for where I was in my life at the time. So I had to find the formula that was best for my baby and not look back. I had to make sure that I was in a happy and calm place to be able to be there for my baby.

When I decided to have another baby I decided that I will try my best to do breastfeeding and this time I was prepared mentally. I worked on my fear that I will get infections again and that I will not be able to handle it- I did that in writing the fears and self forgiving them so that I cleared the fear within me. I also worked on making myself available to breastfeed- meaning that deep down within me I was truly willing to do it (because the first time I realized that deep within me it was not something I was truly willing to do, I was only doing because that is what I was supposed to do as a mother so my starting point within this was in fact not self honest). I knew that with my second child my starting point had to be self honest- that I am doing this because I want to provide for my baby, because I am willing to let my nipples be sore, willing to wake up and pump if I had to, willing to not let sleep be a problem.

I have now been breastfeeding for about 6 weeks and I can say that I am actually enjoying it in a weird special way. Yes, it may get uncomfortable and it may be sort of annoying to be leaking milk out of my breasts, or to have to pump the extra, but I found a spot where I enjoy nursing, where I sit and relax while my baby is nursing. So it is quite the adjustment for me and I am proud of my accomplishment. 

Friday, March 31, 2017

Day 191-Speaking Up For Myself!

Speaking up for myself- I often catch myself in situations where I second guess myself if I should say anything regarding the situation or not. And a lot of the time I choose to be quiet so that I don't cause an argument/ conflict. This has been a big point for me because instead of addressing the point in a calm/gentle manner of explanation I always fall for my thoughts of “oh, it's not that big of a deal, so I should not say may upset the other person, and I don't want to be caught in the middle of being attacked by the other person”. So within this I have realized that
1- I make the other person think that what they have said or done is OK with me. 2- I suppress what I am really feeling regarding the situation thus internalize it. 3- I create a back chat towards the person through internalizing it. 4- I accept to silence myself for the sake of not liking to be “attacked” in what I do have to say. 5- I am accepting the other person's response/reaction to be that of an attack towards me when I should understand that they may react to me and rather work on myself to not take it personally and simply address the fact of the matter. 6- I really need to start practicing voicing myself without reacting.

Self Forgiveness to be continued...

Day 190-Preparing For Birth

With the second baby delivery being right around the corner I have been surprisingly calm. This may be because I sort of already know what to expect as well as because I walked Self Forgiveness on the point of fear of giving birth because of the experience I had giving birth to my first one. This time around I have prepared all the essential points to expecting a baby and I am actually proud of myself. Also I have been walking this pregnancy in a more self directed manner and because of that I can see that it is a point of self empowerment for my process. And I intend to continue walking this way when the baby is born- by using my past mistakes and walk them into correction when it comes to tips in taking care of a baby and walking the process of a “new” mother all over again.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Day 189- It's a Boy- Acceptance

Continuing this blog- Day 176- It's a Boy!

Within this blog I am addressing my acceptance that I will be raising two boys even (as in my picture perfect reality since I was a child I had pictured myself with one boy and one girl).
The point of acceptance was addressed within me some time ago. I think the initial reaction that my second child is also a boy crushed my "childhood image" and that is something I had to look into and work my way and at this point as my little boy is about to arrive soon- I don't think I would have it any other way. It is, what it is- thus I am bringing my focus towards raising two boys and making sure they learn self-responsibility, self-respect, self- honesty and the tools to making effective decisions as well as being supportive of each other and others. It is not to say that I would teach a girl differently, however in our world/system today girls are overlooked (hence the reason for a lot of feminist movements) thus as a mother of two boys it will be my job to teach them equality when it comes to viewing and treating girls/women, and actually- treating everyone and everything in the same respectful manner.

Day 188- I am Grateful for Financial Stability in My life

The time for my second little one is almost here, and I am glad that I am able to take off work for the time that I need without having to worry about meeting ends or feeling pressured to go back to work as soon as possible. I realize that the position I am in is supportive thanks to my husband even if I don't show it or talk about it much. I realize that within our current system there are many mothers or mothers to be out there that may not have the needed financial support to be able to take off work and focus on the baby/their children for as much as they would like to or need to.
I realize that this is an opportunity for me to review my direction as to what I want to focus on regarding work and at the same time relax and adjust to the beginning stages of motherhood again. Thus I commit myself to exploring options for work as well as using this time to meet with other parents/mothers and make new connections.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Day 187- I am Grateful For My Body

I am grateful for my body because my body is my "house" in this physical existence. I am grateful that I can learn to listen to my body as my body is a map to self and a connection to the physical because it is physical. I am grateful to have my physical body appearance just as it is- an expression of life. I am grateful that my body can be my teacher if I am aware and listen to it- what is good for it, what is not. I am grateful that I can use my body as a reference point to studying my mind and the effects it has on my physical body and a reference point to self awareness. 

Day 186- I am Grateful For My House

I am grateful for having a house that keeps me warm in the cold season and cool in the hot season. I am grateful for having a house that I can can call "my space" where I can be creative and set up to our needs and requirements as human beings. I am grateful for having a house where my basic human rights can be met (water, warm, cosy bed, closet full of clothes for all seasons, fridge full of food...). I am grateful that my house has a decent space if not more than required. I am grateful for our spacious back yard that is open to possibilities that I have yet to explore. I am grateful to have a house that can stand as an expansion of myself and is a support for my daily life.