Monday, April 30, 2018

Day 200- Introducing Responsibilities to my Child

Something I have been looking at recently is the introduction to responsibilities for my older son in a more concrete way. He is now 6 years old and I often feel like the "helicopter mom" doing stuff for him because I loose my patience and he is not consistent. I was reflecting how to in generally teach responsibility to him in a more concrete way. In a way where he is involved in that decision and understanding that "Oh, ok so this is my job now".
First I looked at things that he is physically able to do.  Then I divided it into a category. My next project is to place it in a chart and then introduce it to him. I sat down with my husband and we (mostly me) brainstormed some jobs. So here are some of the stuff that went into that brainstorming:

1. Laundry (he is can tell me when his basket is full and together we can go and place the laundry to wash and then dry. Then he can help with folding (since that is a skill he still needs to learn).

2. Preparing his backpack for school or camp.

3. Upon returning from school/camp he can empty backpack and place items where they belong (folder and papers in his room- lunchbox items in the sink....).

4. Clean up after himself when eating (and he does tend to make a mess). Placing dishes in the sink, sweep the chair and floor where he made a mess with the food. I need to buy him a set of children size broom.

5. Toys (in our family we like things cleaned up and organized)- my son likes to take toys out without putting them back- so it has been somewhat of a struggle when it is clean up time and he is overwhelmed with all the toys around (upstairs, downstair and all around). I am determined to teach him that after playing with a certain set of toys or at a certain place he needs to clean up before deciding that he will be playing something else or with something else.

6. Bed night and Morning routines: mostly he knows what to do by himself but still wants my help for things he knows how to do and is perfectly capable of doing- so breaking that cycle where he needs mommy to (for example, pull his clothes out...) and moving more towards independent choosing clothes and dressing without me having to be in the room.

So that's it for now- will work on the chart and share more...

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Day 199- ACTION

Since I have been experiencing myself very stagnant for some time now- this year I have decided to work on the word- Action.

Action when it comes to speaking up.
Action when it comes to planning.
Action when it comes to getting a task done.
Action when it comes to being consistent within a decision I have made.
Action when it comes to relationships with people.
Action when it comes to deciding who I want to be in relation to my world and the people in it.
Action when it comes to my career.
Action when it comes to money.
Action when it comes to acknowledging my feelings and emotions to myself.
Action when it comes to working on being my full potential of myself.
Let the action begin, step by step.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Day 198- When Anger Gets the Best of Me

I rarely get really angry or pissed off. Most times I will be upset about something, or even sad. However, certain times anger can get the best of me and then it feels like my head will explode and I literally experience this blockage, like a malfunctioning computer that throws swear words in the most random manner that makes no sense- other than having no other words to express this burst of energy.

A usual trigger to such anger is feeling something is not being done a fair manner to me. In those moments not considering everything in its totality but only that which impacts me directly. That moment when something has not gone as planned and it is everyone else's fault.  In that moment of feeling unjust where I allow anger to get the best of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the emotion of anger run through my body and in that allowing it to hurt me on a mental and physical level.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I have been treated unfairly because something did not go the way I had planned it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish in a way because I am not considering the other person when I am in the anger energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say hurtful things to another because I have allowed the anger to direct my words where I aim to say something hurtful to the other person so that I can feel better for that moment of lashing out.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Day 197- Explaining Anger to My Child

I found a cool way to explain anger to my five year old son. He can be quiet stubborn and whenever he sets his mind to something it is so hard for him let go if things are not going his way. So his initial reaction is to get mad (throw a tantrum about it) and then he will be sad until the energy has ran its course.
So to assist him I came up with a simple explanation- I said to him:
"Look at this cup of water, do you see how the water is calm and still- this is how your body feels inside when you are content. When you get angry (and I began to move the cup around) the water moves in all directions and it is not still anymore. This is how your body feels when you are angry about something. You will feel this yucky feeling of energy in your chest area, it feels uncomfortable. So, to settle our water down we need to breathe and be calm again. Then we can talk about what the problem is and come up with a solution. Because when we are angry we don't think about what we do. So how about we make a deal? When you see me getting angry you tell me- "mommy cool your waters", and I will do the same for you."

So it has been about 2 weeks since this conversation and we have been practicing those words together and there has been an effective result. His tantrums have been less drastic and I have been able to not react as much when he is reacting to something. So it is in progress. I think this can be effective with any child. Give it a try :)

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Day 196- Being Too Direct With My Child

An interesting point emerged today when I was self reflecting on why my son tends to argue with me when I tell/explain stuff to him. It had become a point of frustration because I would explain something to him and he will still stick to what he thinks is the correct answer (even if he clearly makes no sense). The reflection took me on the direction of looking at how when we talk/debate with adults we try to convince the other that we are correct regarding whatever situation. We speak about what we think is correct and if the other person has an opposing side they will become defensive (and that works vice versa).

There are two points that opened up in this reflection.
1. The child is choosing not to agree and argue because it is a form of voicing themselves out (when not being heard, or rather being shut down because the adult knows best).

2. The child is teaching me that I need to slow down and instead of giving a direct answer or explanation sometimes it is better to create circumstances where the child is given the opportunity to reach the answer for themselves. That will teach the child to explore and investigate and reach answers for themselves which in terms will build self esteem and independence.

I realize even with adults trying to convince someone that you are correct will not work if the other person does not want to hear. Thus, it is a cool approach to do- show, lead the other person to the answer by giving the opportunity for the person to investigate for themselves and reach an answer on their own- even if it turns out to be different than the answer that I have investigated for myself.

So I need to evaluate when I need to be direct with my child and when I need to give the opportunity for self investigation. I realize that I have been approaching my son in a manner of "I know what is best and I know the correct answer because I am the adult" and this has placed either resistance or self doubt on his part when it comes to looking at the world. Even as a teacher I have been eager to just the answers very directly to everything ignoring the chance and opportunity for the child to take the lead in investigating.

So that is something I will be testing from this point on.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Day 195- Inspire/Expire

I came across the word "inspire" some time ago when I was looking at some yoga videos by Megan Currie. Today I decided to look into this word on a deeper level.
The first thought that came up within me was a memory when I was in my younger years in college. I was taking ENG 101 and we were required to write an essay on someone who has been a mentor to me or someone who has inspired me. At the time I had no connection to this word so it was a tough essay to write as I had to bullshit my way and make up a story that was not real but had real people in my life. That was because at the time I did not have anyone who I can say had inspired me to do something special in my life- thus I had no idea what that would be like- thus I had no connection to this word.
When I first came across Megan's timelapse yoga videos I got an idea of what it meant to be inspired. However, it remained just a feeling as I did not actually get myself up and started to do yoga as I would have liked myself to be doing- thus the word remained a feeling rather than a LIVING word.

When saying the word out loud it sounds like IN-SPYER-as in a person that is looking/spying inward. And then for some reason the word "expire" came up sounding as EX-SPYER-as in a person looking/spying outward or simply no longer looking/spying.
When placing the two words together inspire/expire it's like saying IN-BREATH/OUT-BREATH. Take in the inspiration within self and expire that which self does not need, that which is not self supportive.

So how to live the word "inspire" into the physical and not on energy level?
How can "inspire" be a starting point of self motivation rather than a dream?
For something to be inspiring it means that I have the will/desire towards doing that something but I have not moved this will/desire forward into physically doing something about it. This is quite common for me in my life so within looking at this word, it is like a step stone in my process of learning how to take the inspiration into reality. So this is def a word I will be focusing on working with.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Day194- Living the word "Pace"

For about two months now I have been focusing on the word "pace". What first brought my attention to this word was that I realized how I wanted everything to move fast in my life. I would always be looking towards the next moment instead of living the moment here.
My biggest indicator was while driving my car and I would be late for my destination, an internal feeling would arise where I would push for the car to move faster but of course realistically going with the speed and traffic faster would not be an option. The inner feeling of "pushing faster" would physically cause for me to hold my breath in before breathing again, there would be this tension on the back of my throat, I would get frustrated with people on the road and blame traffic for me being late on the first place. In other aspects of my life this "push for faster" would make me miss on the moments happening now and that would bring my attention in my mind for a future event. So the way I have been practicing living the word "pace" is by simply calling the word out loud when I begin to experience the desire for fast movement and looking towards the next moment. I say to myself "pace yourself, slow down, be here". Then internally my body relaxes and my mind comes back to being here with my physical body and not rushing off to somewhere else.

PACE sounds like PEACE and it also rhymes with RACE

PACE: to bring my physical body, mind and being to one point/moment that is here unfolding forward step by step and stop the race for the next moment.