Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Day 63- Dependence on Others- It's Written In the Stars (part 2)

This blog is a continuation of the previous blog Day 62- Dependence on Others- Indecisiveness (part 1)

This blog will look at the idea of defining oneself to zodiac's signs (any kind of astrology) and predictions in general. This follows the chat I had with Sunette Spies-

Sunette Spies: Yes, look - the zodiac signs was part of the preprogramming, so humans who aligned their mind / themselves to a zodiac sign - would still walk the consequence of defining oneself according to that - but, one will find indecisiveness exist in all humans to some degree or another 'indecisiveness' and then support self to change it.

I forgive myself to accepting and allowing myself to give my destiny, will power, self definition and decision making in the hands of a "higher" Power of the unknown that somehow has my destiny written down and I must obey by this definition, destiny thus giving up my power and expression in the name of what has been "written in the stars".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to not realize that what's been "written in the stars" has been my acceptance of my programming, character definition and thus I and I ONLY have the power to change myself, to move myself to walk out of the pre programming I have blindly allowed and accepted through time to become me into the physical expression of me where I write my own Desteni and define who I am within every moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this pre-programming as my guidance of who I should be, how I should be and what can happen to me or what should happen to me according to a "written path by the stars".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my pre-programming as an excuse not to change and say that "Based on my zodiac sign I am indecisive, and I cannot be any other way because that is what it says about me", instead of standing up and stepping out of the program I define who I am to be by.

Thus I commit myself to no longer be a "zodiac sign", a "message written in the sky",  a certain character/personality/program that defines who I am and how I behave and what actions I do or do not take.

I commit myself to step out my pre-programmed design so that I can emerge, be, move, express as me, I commit myself in walking the point of indecisiveness because I see/realize/understand that it is a trait I have allowed and accepted to drive my life and the decisions I make or don't make -that is without common sense and that does not support me or others and the physical existence thus it is not in oness and equality.

When I am faced with a situation where I see myself as being indecisive, I stop, I breath and say to myself" I am just playing out a programmed character and I will not allow myself to exist any longer as this character". I will assess the situation and respond accordingly. I am not defined by a zodiac sign.

I thus commit myself to use the zodiac sign information as a way of seeing/realizing/understanding my accepted programming so that I can understand where my mind is coming from and thus be able to stand up and change me, transcend the points I am faced with and allow self expression to emerge, because ONLY I have the will and power to do so self honestly.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Day 62- Dependence on Others-Indecisiveness (part 1)

In another chat with Sunette Spies the point of  indecisiveness opened up.
The point came upon when I followed up with my grandma scenario from my last blog where she was pushing "my buttons" within the manipulation and considering others in my words point I walked in my last post- Day 61-Considering Others with my Words and Behavior. The following time I went to visit my grandma she approached me in a way to where I experienced no reaction towards her. The following is part of the chat to get reference instead of retelling the information:

Antoaneta Grodskiy: Yes I experienced/felt no resistances that I will usually feel when I am in her presence. However she approached me in a different manner so maybe that is why. Usually she laches and spills all of her emotions...but this time she was simply talking to me.

Sunette Spies: But still, this shows that who you are is dependent on others - which shows that you still react / change to others, instead of you deciding who you are and directing the moment for yourself and for another.  You have to practice remaining stable and 'being there / being with another' despite how they are - sometimes people just need to 'spill' and just being there for them helps them, even to the smallest degree.

Antoaneta Grodskiy: Does the zodiac signs- show the programming?

Sunette Spies: One can use the zodiac signs to walk through personalities. Each human, in fact, have all the zodiac sign traits in some way or another.

Antoaneta Grodskiy: Because one of my biggest issue presented in my zodiac sign is indecisiveness.  I am libra and my strongest is looking for justice...lol. The indecisiveness is something that has been with me, if I can place it that way, from a very young age. Needed someone else to direct me or push me- so this is a point in working progress because it is something that I have allowed all my life pretty much. Having the problem in deciding between one thing and another, uncertainty when it comes to making a decision about something (sometimes on a small scale and sometimes on a big scale).

Sunette Spies: Yes, look - the zodiac signs was part of the preprogramming, so humans who aligned their mind / themselves to a zodiac sign - would still walk the consequence of defining oneself according to that - but, one will find indecisiveness exist in all humans to some degree or another; it's always been odd to me with defining self according to what other things / people do / say, instead of self simply seeing for self 'who I am' and how to change it to what is best for self / others - so, with this connection to a 'sign' I would walk forgiveness for defining self according to a sign, according to 'indecisiveness' and then support self to change it.

So there are actually two points that need to be investigated:
1. My dependence on others -a point that I had previously opened up in the blogs Day 46 Process Dependence and  Day 47- Process Dependence (Approve Me)- however now I can expand more on it.

2. Indecisiveness- which is connected to the dependence point as a second layer dimension.

Let's look deeper into this part of the chat- "But still, this shows that who you are is dependent on others - which shows that you still react / change to others, instead of you deciding who you are and directing the moment for yourself and for another."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let others direct me, ultimately decide for me and this is not in the sense of someone telling me what to do, but rather in the sense that I allow myself to "go with the flow".

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for someone else to push on a direction where it's like I am there for the ride, going with the flow- not actually looking within myself to see if that is something I want/practical to participate in, something that is of substance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT check my reactions and to continue riding the reactions of others. For example, if my grandma reacts to me- I react to her. If my grandma does not react to me, I don't react.

I realize that if I was standing in absolute stability I will not be depended on anyones reactions. I will not be riding with the flow. Thus I commit myself to direct my own "flow" according to the practicality/physical necessity of the situation (which is the principle of what is best for all/oness and equality), I  commit myself to be my decision factor and starting point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to essentially self sabotage myself by allowing to be moved/directed by the reactions of others thus I commit myself to no longer allow myself to be directed by the reactions/feelings/thoughts/emotions of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for my process of self change to be depended on the reactions/feelings/thoughts/emotions of others instead of seeing/realizing/understanding my starting point of stability and self change is depended on me and how I move/direct myself in the moment of facing/being with another person who is experiencing a reaction within themselves. Thus I cannot allow and will NO longer allow myself to be a victim of self sabotaging my physical body by going into the energy of reaction of another because I realize that every time I go into an energy reaction my physical body is taking a hit for it (another words stress).

Thus in the event that I am faced with the choice of going into a reaction or not going into a reaction, I take a deep breath and bring myself back to me stating that "I will not allow myself to react and I will not self sabotage myself/my physical body for another/energy/mind)" and that I can direct the situation with stability and breath, assessing what needs to be done from the starting point of assisting another get through their reaction that they are experiencing.

In the event that I am faced with a reaction (that I see I need to address/self investigate/walk) I see/realize and understand that the reaction is something existent within me and not the other person (meaning the other person is responsible for their own reaction not mine), thus I am responsible for looking at the reaction within me and making sure that I walk myself out of it with self forgiveness and corrective application. I realize that a point has many layers so a reaction/point that I have walked may/will come back if another layer of dimension opens up and I commit myself to be ready to face it and walk it instead of falling and playing it out.

I see/realize and understand that until there is an inner reaction existent within me regarding a particular point I should always look at myself for that reaction investigate it, self forgive it, correct it- and I am only able to assist another when the reaction within me has been cleared.

I am now responsible for that self direction because I am in a position that "should know" better than react and is practicing, walking this process with Desteni out of the mind into the physical and I realize that the only thing I can do to assist another (who is not familiar with Desteni or has chosen to not want to walk their process with Desteni) in their process is lead them to a point of non reaction by simply not reacting to them. I call this the defusing process! Because once a person has been defused they have the potential to hearing what is actually being said. Reactions get in the way of hearing common sense/practicality and directing situations/life accordingly.

Ok, next I open up the zodiac sign point of Indecisiveness

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Day 61- Considering Others Within My Words and Behavior

In a recent chat with Sunette Spies multiple points were opened up for discussion. This blog is continuing from the previous blog Day 60- Stabilizing My World. Next point that opened up was the point of consideration.

"Sunette Spies: What I mean with considering others is before speaking / acting, consider your words and behavior and the impact it has on others. But there again you are giving OTHERS power over you, saying THEY walked over you - which they didn't, somewhere you accepted and allowed it - so, creating a tough character is still created in the point of blame, protecting yourself from others - when it's not about them, but self investigating what self accepted/allowed in being 'walked over' so that it doesn't happen again..."

So the point that opened up was in relation to my grandma, whom I have been experiencing a hard time talking to because of the way I feel around her based on her behavior/programming/personality. She has me reminded of my ex who used manipulation technics to get my attention/love so that I feel sorry for him and sympathize with him. When I am around my grandma- she brings that feeling/emotion that I used to experience with my ex- the result is that I refuse to be placed in this position again and instead of sympathizing with her and giving her the energy she wants from me I have shifted in the opposite polarity point of this feeling- where I rebel against this feeling by being "tough" and avoiding what my grandma is sharing with me. Thus my relationship with her has been that of ineffective communication because I have been avoiding talking to her. And in reality I am not considering her as another being/life, in fact I am placing her inferior to me because she does not understand where her feelings/emotions are coming from and why she feels the need/desire/love from others/me in a manner of requiring particular energy to charge her mind up and make her feel better/not lonely. And within me not considering her I am also not able to be stable and be of effective support for her without having to charge her up.

So let's unravel the feeling I experience when I am in the presence of my grandma (in particular to the rebellious personality I have created to place myself against giving her the desire energy of love/attention/sympathy. And where did it originate, because as Sunette said in her post above- whether I am giving the energy or rebelling to give it- I am allowing for my grandma and other human beings to have power over how I speak and behave and within this I am not only NOT considering them but also myself.
My grandma is actually assisting me with transcending this point of rebellion, however the root of this experience began with my ex. Thus I first must forgive myself regarding my acceptance and allowance to let such experience imprint into my body- from the polarity of allowing people to walk over me to the opposite polarity of being tough and not caring about people and investigating the programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming others for taking advantage of me and "walking over me" because of my accepted personality design of being the "nice" one, the one ready to help everyone and wanting the special feeling of the "savior" and "healer" and in that allowing myself to be naive and be fooled, manipulated and getting hurt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to play out the character of the nice person who is ready to give all my heart and not realizing that I was doing that in self interest because my niceness always came with a specific energy charge and it was driven by the idea of helping others, and the special/specific interest point I experienced towards that person (which in this case was my ex).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame my ex for me allowing him to manipulate me not realizing where his programming came from and how his programming had defined him into the personality design he was acting out and what/love/attention he allowed to be lacking within himself that he then required me to fill.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to place myself in a position of being real assistance to him rather than the "savior" character, and then realizing that the relationship was not an effective one and walking away at the very beginning, instead I allowed for the relationship to continue and built on this manipulation character where I felt a victim of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to feel a victim of the relationship because of certain believes I was experiencing at that time that had to do with love and attention- only to come back at me in the form of being manipulated, not realizing that my ex was mirroring/projecting my believes about love a the time and making me see how ridiculous they were (that would be before Desteni and the realization of what "love" as the mind programming design is) and not realizing that the way they were mirrored back at me was showing me that I was coming from my programming personality of thinking I was "lacking" that special love of a "man/the one"to complete me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exists as the victim personality design, as the I need a "the one" to make me complete, as I lack the special attention only a man can show me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to not understand/see/realize that the reason I built the touch character was because I did not at the time know how to respond to what I was experiencing as the victim of manipulation- and that the tough personality originated from an anger starting point of being tired of allowing to be walked on, thus deciding that if I simply did not care and showed that I did not care about the behavior of the other person that they will not be able to hurt me, draw the desired energy out of, but in that I began to draw energy from them because in a secret kind of way I felt satisfaction within me that they were not getting what they wanted out me.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to behave in that manner towards my grandma, not realizing that it is too late for her to change her personality design and that she requires from a human perspective to be shown love and affection and I am responsible to allow to show her this within a point of stability to where she is not able to draw the energy she wants out of me but rather I defuse her need with my presence and my consideration towards her as a human being.

Thus I commit myself to no longer allow and accept myself to be a victim of manipulation, a victim of self anger, a victim of a tough character. I commit myself to remaining stable within when in the presence of my grandma and others in general. I commit myself to build an effective relationship with my grandma.

If and when I experience myself as being rebellious towards her and not considering my words and feeling this anger/satisfaction point- I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that this is not who I am willing to be- that I am willing to be a considerate human being that investigates and takes perspectives into consideration and is able to remain stable to truly assist another with their process as I continue to walk my process. I remind myself to use gentle words and tone with my grandma and explaining to her best ability to understand me.