Sunday, June 22, 2014

Day 73- Don't Take It Personally!

Continuing from the previous blog Day 72- Looking at Reactions Through My Physical Body.

I am not sure why hearing the loud sound of someone else directing their energy/reaction in an argument/confrontation at me makes my body tense, and the stomach feeling I described in my previous blog. I do recall the Parenting Series of EQAFE interviews being explained that as babies we accept sounds/energies that we find pleasant and sounds/energies that we do not and will push those "negative" sounds/energies away and within that it registers within my physical bodies as something that we do not want to experience and when we do experience it we find a way to cope with it and create a trait of how to react in situations when that unpleasant sound/energy is triggered.
Also I do recall as a young child being very timid and doing everything to not get in trouble. The idea of being caught in something I should not have been doing or something that would make another judge my actions negatively caused that same stomach reaction within me.  This reaction feels very automatic within me like it has been part of me for a very long time.
This is what I realize actually drives my actions towards people when in conflict or when being attacked, because to me being in a conflict is like someone attacking me and I accept the attack- the energy attach to the person who is "attacking" me through their words/sound energy reaction towards "me"/the reason they are attacking me.

So what I must see here is that they are attacking my mind and to not take it personal- as personal means that my mind is reacting to their mind and I cannot see beyond where the bigger picture is so that I can stand by my statement with confidence and not doubt. Instead I become defensive which would imply self justification to why I am right and they are wrong- and that justification may play out in my mind as backchat or in words towards the other person. And my stomach and body is still tense, but at that point I've already moved my awareness to the mind/energy so I am unable to feel my body as the energy of whatever emotion I am experiencing is rushing through my body- typically in anger.

I am not sure what I need to self forgive here but I do know what I must make a commitment to:
Thus I commit myself to when someone directs their energy/reaction towards me to catch myself in that moment where my body becomes tense and focus on releasing the tension with breathing before continuing any further in the conversation with the other person.
I commit myself to further investigate the physical feeling that arises within me during conflict with another person and focus on stoping that moment right before I accept the other person's energy by saying to myself "I will not allow myself to take this personally!" Breath.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Day 72- Looking At Reactions Through the Physical Body

This post is reflecting a point that was mentioned in the Google Hang Out discussion: Self Corrective and Commitment Statements. In the discussion it was mentioned to look at a point/reaction through how the body experiences it rather when I am already in the mind possession of the energy. In that, the reaction is caught right before it is experienced in the mind through the thoughts/emotions/feelings. I mean how cool is that your body will physically indicate "Hello!!! Stop Right Now, Breath and Stabilize Yourself".

After the listening to the hang out I laid down and took a nap with that in "mind". And right before I fell asleep I looked at over what did it mean to look at point through the physical body and in what instances have I actually been aware of my body experiencing the reaction. And I realized that I just have not been paying attention to my body in such a way before unless it was something very noticeable or painful in which I can immediately skip the mind processing connection and focus straight on my physical body.

Then I fell asleep (light sleep) and upon waking up I heard voices (others around me talking) and the first thing I became aware of was how my body was tensing up upon hearing the sound/tonality of people talking which in that particular instance was not pleasant- someone was raising their voice about something and as my body took the sound/vibe of the conversation it tensed up. I am already aware that I don't like loud sounds of people arguing/yelling as it takes me out of my stability, it shakes me and I don't know how to handle myself in such moments because I freeze. And now I see why I freeze- it is because my body experience to the voice tonality expressed through energy that comes out of the words.  And if those words are directed at me the experience is even worse. My muscles tense up, my stomach area (where the emotion and my reaction begins to develop at that particular time) experiences this light, shaky, uneasy feeling and then my whole body becomes to feel weak like I was hit in my stomach and out of breath about to faint.

Previously I would miss the part where my muscles tense and I would straight up just feel the stomach feeling and freeze/retrieve and take on/allow myself to accept the energy that was directed at me from the other person. And then I move into my mind and the backchat begins to justify/defend myself from the starting point of reaction like I need to defend my right to what is being directed at me.

So it's cool to look at this from the physical perspective as it is often missed as one goes in towards the energy reaction and backchats.

So since that particular experience is very frequent within me as it prevents my stability in points of confrontations, being blamed for something, or put down by another for whatever reason- it prevents me from using my common sense to respond in moments of such with stability and resolution.

To be continued....