Continuing from previous blog Day 92- Age and Time (Part 4)
5. My son will have a sibling to play with:
In the beginning I wrote that the decision to birth my son was to bring up and support another life in the physical. Which in my perspective is a self honest decision to decide to have a child. It means that I have accepted the responsibility and consideration for another life. But when it came to deciding on a second child- my 5th reason was so that my son will have a sibling, someone to play with. This sounds more like I am getting my son a toy to play with rather accepting the responsibility and my ability to give another life the opportunity to grow in the physical.
Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat a second child as something my son can play with rather an equal and one life just like my son where the two can enjoy each other and grow together in equal support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT consider the personality design clashes when it comes to the mind of my son and the second child- that having a dishonest starting point of bringing a second child (as a “toy” for my son to play with) will backfire in the development of my son and a sibling (meaning they will not get along).
Thus, I commit myself that in the case of me deciding on a second child the starting point has to be equal and one to the starting point of deciding to have my son- giving the opportunity for life in the physical and me accepting the responsibility and consideration for another life, human being. And in that I realize that we all walk our individual process in relation to each other/one thus along the way in return my son is showing/teaching me how to be a responsible human being within the reflection of our mind designs. And with the decision of a second child it will be exactly the same as my decision for my son.
6. Making the grandparents happy:
I actually think this one is self created as because in my mind I think that I am somehow obligated to have 2 children (as my mom has had, as my husband's mom has had) and this is something that will make them happy. Well of course that it will make them happy to have another grandchild, if I decide to have one, but I have turned this into a reason as to why I should have a second child disregarding the physical reality to having a second child- which is basically what I have been talking about so far in the other points.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the “grandparents” as an excuse to justify why I should have a second child- not considering my reality and ability and starting point.
Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to first create the idea and to second allow myself to think that I should have a second child just so that I please someone else.