Thursday, March 31, 2016

Day 149- Living "Rejection"

This is part of the series “Living Words"
Rejection can feel bad/embarrassing or like I've done something wrong. Rejection is when someone does not approve of me/what I have to say/do. So within the word rejection there is a lot of negative polarity charges within the experience of being rejected. But with Desteni I have learned to not take rejection personally because everyone is walking their process and within that a rejection can become a reflection/ or a feed back to self.

Some ways to sound out rejection:

-re-jection (as in injection that is not accepted)
-r -Ijection r-Ejection(as in throwing myself)

Redefinition: Rejection: An opportunity to self reflect and try out different approaches without taking things personally.

Day 148- A Memoir of Lisa (my cat)

Since I was discussing the word "Death" in my past blog from a symbolic perspective I wanted to give it a direction/meaning from a physical perspective. And really this post is over due.

In my life so far the only "death" I have personally experienced was the death of my cat Lisa. I had Lisa for 17 years since she was a kitten that can fit in my two palms. When she was a kitten i thought she was going to die because she got sick, so I cried a lot-she obviously did not die.
Lisa was there for me in sad times and happy times and through all my love interests. She was a support for me in hard times. When I would cry she'd come to me and start purring. When I was sick she would lay on my tummy. When I was gone on vacation and came back she would welcome me with purring. There was a time in my life when I would go into thoughts and projections about what I would do when Lisa dies. Essentially I was making myself depressed because this thought/projection came with a feeling of sadness, or self victimization.  I can say that in a way I mentally abused her genuine support by thinking of her being death and how that would make ME feel.
Six months before she died the vet told me that she may have a hyperthyroid condition (she was having the signs and symptoms). I did not think anything of it- she was her normal self....but as time progressed I noticed she started to bump into the wall or furniture which meant her eyes were going out (part of the condition). It did not hit me until two weeks before she died that this was it...she was slowly going.
Fast forward to the day she died- she was in terrible condition. She had not purred for days, eaten very little, and having trouble breathing. Her tongue was sticking out. I had to make the call. Yes, she did not pass by herself. I had to make the decision to euthanize her. Because of walking my process with Desteni by this time I have gotten wiser- meaning I knew what I had to do no matter how hard because now it was time to consider her and not how I would feel if she dies. It was a process of letting go in the real sense. It was a process of facing death for the first time of a being I have grown up with and created many life moments with. I had to consider her physical body and accept that it was time for her to move on from the physical world as my cat Lisa.
An hour before I took her to the vet I spoke to her about what was going to happen, I pet her, and I asked her to purr for me one last time. Right as we were going out she purred for like a minute while I pet her and gave me one last meow. So I can say that we said goodbye to each other. I took her in the car in the carrier and she peed herself on the way there. The vet people were very nice and sympathetic. They explained the procedure and it began- My eyes were balling with tears watching her take her last breaths of live in the physical. And then she was gone. I gave her a goodbye kiss and my husband and I left the vet place. I grieved that day through the process of really letting her go from within myself.

I am cherishing the moments we had together and I am thankful for her being in my life, supporting my physical body and my being. And that is essentially what we need to do when loosing someone. We cannot dwell in the past because life goes on and moves forward. And with every death comes a new life. We now have a dog named Zoey to whom I would like to give the same support in the physical as I gave Lisa and with whom we will create new moments of life

Day 147- Symbolic Death

This is part of the series “Living Words"

In my last post I looked at the word Live/Life. Here I will look at Death from a symbolic perspective.

When people talk about death it usually reflects an emotion of sadness because something we enjoyed is over, however death can be seen as a new beginning- as everything has a beginning and an end within this world. It does not have to be a depressing experience-it just means transition from one period of time to another and if we move in alignment with the physical "death' can be something refreshing. It can mean new creation. It can mean stopping a pattern that was not supportive and creating one that is supportive. It can mean rebirthing self. If I had to use one word to describe "death" it would be self change.

Death (in the symbolic sense)- letting go/transitioning from an old cycle and self changing/birthing into a new cycle. Letting go of patterns in my life that have been not supportive or aligned with the physical and creating patterns in my life that are supportive /alined with the physical.

Day 146- What Does It Mean to Live? What is the meaning of Life?

This is part of the series “Living Words"
As I have been walking my process of redefining words I decided to look at the word "live" and I came up with the following:

It is a word that I have lived externally in separation of myself - like if I don't Feel 'movement' but feel stagnant I feel like I'm not living. And I get irritated with myself and then depressed as if it's out of my hands to do something about it.
Another thing that pops up is life style as in how am I living, what am I doing with my time?
Also I have looked at "living" in relation to "death" (will be writing separately about this one) and how both "live/life and death" are about creation/movement of myself.
So there are several dimensions when looking at this word but creation and movement are the main ones that come up for me.

So what does it mean to live? What is the meaning of Life?- It is moments/ chances/ opportunities that constantly shift, move, change and I need to be able to move/ live the moments by being a point of stability and living choices/ decisions in alignment with life/physical. To Live is the movement of me, creating me, directing me. It is giving myself a purpose to become my upmost potential and stand as an example/support for others.

So this is my overview of the word Live.