Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Day 177- "Trust vs. Believe"- Response to Leila Zamora Moreno

(I think I copied the link correctly)

Thank You Leila for bringing this point up to my attention. After listening to your video, sharing about the difference between trust and believe I can relate to what you are saying. This has not been a point I have walked with awareness, however I have seen myself walking this point from the perspective of creating an experience for the child. It is something we have learned in my early childhood classes- where we set up a specific environment for the child to explore with their senses thus learning through discovery. Within this similarity I see that when we refer to it as having the child built self trust by discovering and exploring on their own and not just taking your word for it, we can take it a step further into parenthood, where just as in your example with the knife, as a parent we can safely let our children explore and learn to investigate things for themselves rather than taking other's words.
I have also noticed that as parents we want to protect our children and are quick to say "don't do this or that because it is not safe", without showing them a safe way to explore for themselves.
Now that it has been brought to my awareness I will have to double check myself when I speak to my son, or even children at school.
Thanks for your supportive video!

Day 176- It's a BOY!

"It's a BOY! Oh, not again!"
It is what I thought the moment I found out on the ultra sound. Since I was little I have always imagined having a girl and a boy. After all that is what my mother had. Also, I was first born, so part of that image was my first born to be a girl as well. But that was not the case. When I found out my first one was a boy, I felt a little disappointed and then horrible for even feeling disappointed. But I accepted it within me of course. When my son was born I did not think that I would be having a second child. I have written a blog about over coming the fears I was having around pregnancy and birth of the experience with my first one.  Then I looked at into having a second child and then the decision was finally taken and plans were in motion.
"I have a positive result on my pregnancy test!"
Now, as a second one I wanted a girl even more. Why? Was it just an idea, a picture image?
I went back and forth and came up with all kinds of different reasons as to why I would like a girl. Working with children as a teacher I have always had a connection with girls (and that might be a woman/mother thing, not sure...) and I thought "Ok, this time it for sure has to be a girl....I mean I have to get my wish, right?"
This connection being part of the female expression, interests females can share together, "mother/daughter" connection. And perhaps around this connection I developed certain ideas about what it would be like to have a girl. What it would be like for my son to have a sister.
My son kept telling me he wanted it to be a boy, so when I went for that ultra sound and we found out it was a boy- he jumped up and down, while I "cried" a little on the inside as my idea, picture, expectation of ever having a girl died out. I went home and cried a little, letting it go.

I don't know why I am ending up with two boys. It will be interesting to see how this relationship develops, especially the brother-brother relationship. And this si something I am still figuring out within me so there will be a second part to this blog....

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Day 175-Pregnancy Assisting with Body Awareness

An interesting point I have noticed with my second pregnancy is how it has been assisting me with being more in tune/aware of my physical body when I react emotionally to something. The "symptoms" I have experienced when going into an emotional reaction has been shortness of breath, dizziness and feeling a little nauseous. It is in those moments that I realize I need to redirect what is happening within me. So in a way it has been a cool experience to be able to have my body as an "informant" to myself to stop the reaction and redirect the moment.
Sometimes it is hard for me to redirect as I will be very engaged within the reaction so I would have to slow myself down, lay down, rest and breathe.

I was driving this morning and I was feeling a little anxious about something that was going on later today. And the feeling was originating from my solar plexus and it made my body feel quite uncomfortable and a little nauseous. And I can feel myself becoming annoyed with myself which then I could project towards other people. That projection is something I have been doing quite often (taking my annoyance and frustration on others)- that realization came up within me on my drive today so I took action with breathing and looking into the future moment that was making me anxious and how I was actually creating this feeling, making it something bigger than it was. And I let it go, so by the time I got home the feeling of me being anxious was no longer there.